Lillianth's Tale
by bloodrosered
Summary: Lillianth, a Dalish rogue, tells the tale of her becoming a Grey Warden during the Blight and falling in love with Alistair. Many years later, suffering from heartbreak, Lillianth finds Alistair: drunk, exiled and disgraced. She reluctantly nurses him back to health, rekindling old feelings once again. Alistair POV as well. M for violence, sexuality and language.
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

**_Lillianth's Journal_**

_Present Day—After the Fifth Blight_

_As I sat in the Hanging Man tavern, I observed around me, trying to make myself inconspicuous as possible, my face hidden from view. I ordered an ale. I observed the man sitting at the bar a few feet away from me. He looked terrible: his blond hair was long and filthy as well as his beard, his clothes were shabby and bedraggled, I could smell him from where I was sitting: he hadn't bathed in a long time. He drank and drank. He looked broken. He sang drunkenly a mournful tune of his lost love, which pierced my heart. I understood his pain for I had lost my love many years ago. _

_I watched as he began flirting with one of the barmaids. He was hoping to get out of paying for his drinks. Just then, a big angry man and a group of his friends approached him._

"_Are you trying to flirt with my woman?" he said._

"_So what if I was?" spat the drunk man. "I can do whatever I want."_

"_I don't take kindly to those who try to steal my woman."_

_Eventually, what turned out to be a mere shouting match eventually became physical. The drunk man punched the big man. Soon all of the big man's friends grabbed him and dragged him outside. I decided to follow them, knowing it was my duty to do so. Stealthily, I went out the back and watched as all the men began beating him: punching and kicking. The drunk man tried to fight back but was outnumbered one to three. _

_The man laid in the mud, beaten and moaning in pain, covered in blood, filth and bruises. The men decided to degrade him more: they kicked him in the ribs and groin, laughed and mocked him, and then spat and pissed on him. Just as the big man was about to piss on the poor man, I sneaked up behind him, grabbing his hair to expose his neck and pressed the tip of my Dar'Misu into his jugular. _

"_Leave him alone!" I demanded._

_"What are you gonna do about it, sweetheart?"_

_The men were about to draw their weapons._

"_Tell your men to back off!" I told him. "If they don't, I'll cut your throat."_

"_Do as she says."_

_The men sheathed their weapons and backed off slowly. I slowly lowered my Dar'Misu and let the big man go. Soon, the big man tore off my hood to see who had the nerve to confront them. They were shocked to see that I was not just a woman, but a Dalish elf._

"_You should be ashamed of yourselves," I scolded. "Ganging up on this poor man."_

"_This ain't no poor man," the big man said. "This is the most disgraced sonofabitch in of all of Felderan. He got what he deserved. Besides, why the hell do you care, you knife-eared bitch?"_

_Enraged, I slashed at the big man's face, which he cried out in pain. He was about to unsheathe his sword when I pointed my dagger into the big man's Adam's apple._

"_That was only a warning," I threatened. "I'm not afraid to take on all three of you. Be thankful I didn't slice anything more precious to you." Slowly, I dragged Dar'Misu to the big man's genitals; he whimpered in pain as I pressed the tip there. "Now, get out of here. I'll be sure the barman knows not to serve you again."_

"_Bitch!" said the big man._

_The men left. I knelt down towards to check on the beaten man. Truly, this was a broken man; he had given up on life. A beaten, dirty dog. He was covered in blood, muck, spit, piss and bruises. One eye was swollen shut and purple, his lip was split and he was bleeding from his mouth. I felt pity for him. That poor creature! Then, I saw he was wearing a medallion on his neck...one I recognized immediately. _

"_Where did you get this?" I demanded, pointing Dar'Misu at his face. "Did you steal it?"_

_"No," he moaned. "It was given to me...by my love." _

_I looked into the man's one good eye and saw...eyes that I couldn't forget...  
_

"_Alistair," I whispered. _

"_Lilli-" he moaned and then passed out._

* * *

___**An excerpt from Alistair's **_******Journal **

I wasn't too sure what I was seeing, but I was too drunk to recognize anyone or anything. All I know is that my heart and pride were broken; I was nothing more than a disgraced royal. Exiled and shamed. Though none of it mattered anymore since my love was gone forever. Many months I have searched for her and found nothing.

As I lay in the street, beaten and surely on the verge of death, in the mud. The men laughed, kicked me in the ribs and groin, then they spit and pissed on me, calling me 'some king'. I wanted to weep like a child after the vicious beating, feeling the wet mud on my clothes and the warm piss and spit hitting my hair and face.

Just then, I heard an angry voice came from the dark and a flash of a blade in the dim light of the tavern. It sounded female...yet vaguely familiar. She threatened the leader and ordered them to leave and scolding them in the process. My vision was too blurred and my ears were filled with piss that I wasn't too sure who it was.

Soon, the men left. The figure knelt beside me to check on me. For a moment, she saw the necklace I was wearing that my love had given me.

"Where did you get this? Did you steal it?" she demanded, pointing her dagger at me.

"No..." I moaned. For a moment, I saw her eyes...her face...it was her! The angel that had saved me...


	2. Tainted

**A/N and Disclaimer: A few lines of dialogue have been taken directly from the game or have been paraphrased from game dialogue. Anything recognizable as ****game dialogue is not mine, and I bow to the Bioware writing team. I do NOT own DA:O or any of the characters.  
**

Chapter One

_Tainted_

**_Lillianth's Journal_**

My name is Lillianth of the Sabrae clan. I had just come of age and had undergone the _vallaslin,_ or blood writing. Once a Dalish comes of age, they must undergo this painful ritual of tattooing a symbol of our gods on our face, not before meditating to them and the ways of the Dalish. Next, the body and skin is purified. Once these parts are complete, we begin the inking, the most painful of all_. _It must be done in complete silence; any cries of pain would be considered as a sign of weakness.

I was told that during the meditation, all Dalish would experience three visions. I did have them. My only regret is that I lied to Keeper Marethari, saying I saw nothing. I had only wished I could've told her that day.

My first vision was standing on a long road and I saw my mate was in the distance, calling my name, but I couldn't recognize his voice nor could I see his face: it was only a shape. Walking down this road, surrounded by a field: the first half of it was blossoming with flowers and the other half was dead with thorny bushes, twisted and dried out...only to see a single rose blooming within the ugliness. Looking up, there was a blazing sun with gold rays and white in the middle with a red sky above.

My second vision was the birth of my first child, only it was horrifying: a monster with white eyes, fangs and claws like a dragon, breathing fire...destruction and death lay around a ruined Ferelden in its wake, leaving bloody footprints behind it.

And my last vision was a little strange. I saw two children, a boy and a girl with green eyes and red hair, laughing and playing in a golden field, looking right at me and smiling brightly, my mate holding my hand...yet, I couldn't see him.

I wish I had said something, but I was young and stupid. Neither of these visions made any sense to me. I just wanted to get this over with and eat a nice meal since I hadn't done since the _vallaslin_ began.

When they began to apply the ink, I bit my lip hard, nearly drawing blood, resisting from crying out. Tears were pricking my eyes, digging my fingers into the earth as I lay there. Just anything to do other than giving into weakness. I prayed silently to Mythal, the Elven goddess of Protection. She always gave me strength and will to survive.

Keeper Marethari whispered that it was done. I opened my eyes, filled with painful tears, blinking them back. My face and neck felt sore from the whole ordeal, but I was glad it was over. She smiled proudly.

"_Da'len _Lillianth_,"_ said Keeper Marethari (she always called all of us '_da'len_', which means child). "You should be proud of this moment. You are ready to take on responsibilities of an adult and have stepped into womanhood."

"_Ma serannas _(My thanks), Keeper," I replied. "I am honored."

I went out and met Tamlen, a childhood friend of mine who was a hunter. He was proud and smiled. "Congratulations on surviving the _vallaslin_, _lethellan _(friend)," he said.

"_Ma serranas, _Tamlen_,_" I replied. "I'm just relieved I'll never go through that again."

"I felt the same way when I had mine done."

I smiled a little. Though I never admitted it, but I wanted to tell Tamlen that I had feelings for him. I have ever since we were _da'len_. I blushed, thinking that hopefully he would reciprocate my feelings. The Dalish tend to take relationships seriously and slowly for when we do choose a mate, we bond for life. I was hoping to do so with Tamlen when the time was right.

I decided that I would tell him tonight. I had it all planned: I would invite him to my aravel, making him a gift (since he had made a bracelet for me when we were children and I still wear it to this day) and offer it to him and hope that all goes smoothly from there.

"I've heard noises in the forest and I'm going to investigate," he said. "Could be _shemlans._ I'll see you later."

_Shemlan _means 'quick children'. This is what we call humans. They are not welcome near our camps with the exception of the Grey Wardens, who have treaties with. Hahren Paivel said they are honorable people and we must be respectful towards them, despite them being humans. For they are heroes for the sacrifices they make to protect mankind: killing darkspawn and defeating the Blight, should it occur.

I know I was supposed to help Master Varathorn today, but I wanted to be with Tamlen. Maybe I could tell him what I had planned. I followed him and watched in the shadows, being stealthy. Soon enough, three _shems_ were running through the forest, panting and looked terrified. Tamlen pulled the string on his bow, arming himself with an arrow. They skidded to a halt, terrified, one of them falling on his bottom.

"It's a Dalish!" exclaimed the first _shem_, gesturing to Tamlen.

"And you three are where you're not supposed to be!" Tamlen threatened.

"Let us pass, Elf!" another one said, bravely. "You have no right to stop us!"

_Fool!_ I thought. I knew this was the time to ready my bow and kill these _shemlans_ should they dare become more of a threat. I armed my bow and arrow, stepping out.

"Good thing you're here," Tamlen said. "I found these..._humans_ lurking about in the bushes."

"Bandits, no doubt," I added, eyeing them suspiciously.

The _shems_ began to look more terrified, even the brave one who had stood up to Tamlen.

"We're not bandits," the second one stammered, holding his hands up in surrender. "We swear! Please don't hurt us!"

"You _shemlan_ are pathetic!" Tamlen hissed. "It's hard to believe that you drove us from our homeland."

"W-we've never done nothing to you Dalish," stammered the third _shem_. "We didn't even know that this forest was yours."

"This forest isn't ours, fools!" I said. "And you've stumbled too close to our camp."

"You _shems_ are like vermin—we can't trust you to make mischief." Tamlen added. He turned to me, "What do you say, _lethellan? _What should we do with them?"

"Before we kill them, let us find out why there are here," I whispered.

"Does it matter?" asked Tamlen. "Hunting or banditry, we'll need to move camp if we let them live."

"Tell me, _shem_," I said, ignoring him. "What are you doing here? What trouble have you decided to bring? Speak quickly!"

"We didn't come here to bring any trouble," the third _shem_ said. "We just found a cave..."

"Yes! A cave!" said the brave one. "With ruins we've never seen before. We thought there might be..."

"Treasure." Tamlen finished. "So, you're more akin to thieves than actually bandits."

"If you've been there, let us see this proof!" I demanded.

"I-I have it. Here!" the brave one. "We just found these inside the entrance."

He held out a trembling hand to show us a stone artifact with strange carvings. We loosened the grip on the bowstrings and examined the relic.

"This stone has carvings," Tamlen said, squinting. "Is this Elvish? _Written_ Elvish?"

I looked at it myself. Hopefully, Keeper would be able to translate it.

"There's more in the ruins," the brave _shem_ continued. "We didn't get very far...there was...a demon..." He looked terrified like he had truly seen some kind of horror. Though I didn't trust humans, my gut told me that he was might have been telling the truth; I always had a keen eye to read people and their intentions. "It was huge...with black eyes. Thank the Maker we were able to out-run it."

Tamlen scoffed in disbelief. "A demon? Where exactly did you find this cave?"

"Just off the west, I think," he replied, pointing in the direction. "There's a cave in the rock face and a hole just inside."

"What do you think, _lethellan:_ do you trust them? Should we let them go?" asked Tamlen.

"I think we frightened them enough, Tamlen," I said to him. I turned to them. "Start running!" I ordered. "Don't you _dare_ come back here until we have left! And don't even _think_ of bringing more friends!"

"Yes, milady," said the brave _shem_. "Thank you!"

Theytook off running fast and we watched to make sure they were gone. I laughed to think of how much we scared them, probably pissing their drawers no doubt.

"Well, _lethellan_," said Tamlen. "Shall we see if there's any truth of what they're saying? These carvings make me curious."

"Perhaps we should tell the Keeper," I suggested.

"She might be interested in these carvings, but let's see if there's any more before we get excited. Besides, we're already here. Now, they said it was to the west...let's follow this trail. It shouldn't be too far." He paused for a moment. "Say, weren't you supposed to be helping Master Varathorn today? How did you end up coming with me?"

"You know me, Tamlen. I get bored in the camp and want to go exploring."

"Honestly, Lillianth," he laughed, rolling his blue eyes. "You are so eager to wander away from camp! If you wandered any further, you could end up as flat-ear living with the _shem_ in the city. Remember when you brought a _shem_ child to our camp when you were a _da'len?_ You sure got into a lot of trouble with Keeper and Hahren."

"Well, not just _that_! I wanted to be with you...of course. It's more exciting exploring the woods. Also, I wanted to tell you that I would like for you to join me at my aravel tonight. There's something I want to tell you."

"Oh?" His eyes twinkled with intrigue. "Can't you tell me now? We're alone here in the forest."

"No!" I giggled. "I spent all day planning this! I want it to be perfect when it happens!"

"Honestly, you act like a boy, yet you can be such a girl sometimes!"

"I _am_ one, Tamlen, in case you haven't noticed!" I said, rolling my eyes.

"And hard to miss, I will say, _lethellan_! I guess I'll have to wait until tonight." Soon, he smirked. "Does this little surprise of yours involve taking clothes off? I wonder...I'll bet that little experimentation you did will finally pay off." Then he poked me in the ribs.

"TAMLEN!" I squealed, swatting his hand away. "Stop it! You're not going to get it out of me!"

We laughed and followed the trail into the west towards the forest. I was horrified to discover two wolves feasting on a halla dead in the forest. The poor beast! We dispatched the wolves out of our path and continued on. Soon, we found the cave, which was overgrown with thorny bushes and giant columns. I could sense something not right in this cave, something unwelcoming and malevolent...

"This must be the cave," Tamlen said, looking around. "I don't recall seeing this before. Have you?"

"No," I said, uncomfortable. "I don't like this. We should be wary."

"Lillianth: always the wary one. Fine. Well, I'm not going back until we find something that's worth fussing over. Come on! Let's at least see what's there. How dangerous could it be?"

Although reluctant, I decided to see what would be there. Tamlen and his curiosity! Creators' forbid he should show some self-control. Besides, he was a brave hunter. We entered the cave, looking around.

It was the strangest place I've ever seen: definitely ancient, possibly built by humans. Giant tree roots coming through the ceilings and into the floor. The stone walls and floors were crumbling. The smell of death and dust hung in the air. Spider webs and cocoons hanging from the ceiling. One could be so sure what was in there. I shuddered.

"It looks like the _shem_ were telling the truth," I whispered.

"These ruins looks more human than elven," Tamlen observed.

Only a few paces inside the cave and giant spiders hissed and dropped from the ceiling. We fought them off as they flashed their angry eight eyes and poisonous fangs, their legs raised up threateningly; their black blood sprayed all over me when I stabbed at them with my trusted Dar'Misu blades, a gift from my rogue teacher. I disarmed some traps so we made safe passage, fighting our way through the spiders.

Tamlen stopped in front of a grotesque winged statute, holding a copper spear.

"I can't believe this!" Tamlen exclaimed. "You recognize this statue, don't you?"

I squinted at it, trying to remember where I had seen it. "It looks vaguely familiar..." I commented.

"Back when our people lived in Arlathan, statues like these honored the Creators. This looks like human architecture...with a statue of our people. Could these ruins date back to the time of Arlathan?"

"So much of our past has been lost, Tamlen," I said, sadly.

"I never have guessed that ancient elves lived here...with humans."

"How do you know about the statue?"

"I saw it in a book the Keeper had. It was one of those old gods: he was called 'friend of the dead'."

"'Friend of the dead'?" I repeated, raising my eyebrows.

"He was a guide who took people across to their final resting place in the Land of the Beyond. But he wasn't an evil god like Fen'Harel—the Great Wolf. It doesn't seem right that a place so...wrong...would be his. Besides, aren't you curious? We could be discovering our history. The minstrels will write songs about us. If I were to bring back some valuable ancestral artifact back to the keeper, maybe she might forgive me for...well, you know."

"Let's just hope so," I said.

We found a metal door just in front of the statue, stepping over some corpses that looked like soldiers. Just before I reached for the handle, behind us, the corpses stood up and growled. It was so scary. Needless, we attacked them until they fell.

"What just happened?" I said, my heart pounding in my chest. "I-I thought they were dead..."

"Were those walking corpses?" Tamlen said, terrified.

"What is this place?" I wondered. "How could walking corpses be here?"

"Hahren Paivel said when people died, spirits from the Land of Beyond would escape through the Veil and they possess corpses and walk around." He shuddered. "He also said that spirits were jealous of the living and that they want to possess our souls. If these are walking corpses, then the Veil must be very weak here."

I didn't like this place at all. I sensed a lot of old evil here and I wanted to leave, yet I couldn't help but be curious.

Soon, we went through a metal door. Suddenly we were attacked what looked like a monstrous bear: it looked deformed with spikes and exposed muscles and patches of fur. It growled at us and attacked, snapping at us with its fangs and swiping at us with its claws. It rank of death, which made me sick.I dodged its attacks and stabbed it while Tamlen fired arrows into it.

"What was that thing?" Tamlen said, horrified.

"I-I don't know..."I stammered, feeling my heart pounding.

Once we calmed down, we noticed a giant mirror, made of stone with steps that led up to the smooth glass. There were two men holding swords and it had twisted carvings around the back like twisted vines. There was some kind of writing around the glass. Something about this mirror gave it an air of malice.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" said Tamlen. "I wonder what the writing says."

"I don't know," I said. "I don't think we should go near it."

"It sat here for so many centuries—what could be—hey! Did you see that? Something moved inside the mirror."

"Get away from it, Tamlen," I warned. I really didn't like this at all.

My rogue teacher always said I had a suspicious nature, but again a good feature to question everything and everyone, no matter their intention. Be cautious, question if you must, and of course, show mercy to those who ask of it even if they don't deserve it. And of course, don't be rude to those who DO have good intentions.

"Hold on, I just want to see it." He walked up the steps, entranced. "There! Did you see it? It moved again! Can you feel that? I think it knows we're here. I just want to take a closer look." We approached the mirror slowly. "It's showing me places...I can see some kind of city...underground?" Tamlen said. He reached out to it and his fingers brushed against the smooth glass. The mirror rippled with purple. "And there's a great blackness..."

I watched in both horror and amazement that his finger went right through the glass like he were touching water.

"It saw me!" he cried. "HELP! I can't look away!"

Suddenly, there was an explosion and a blinding light...I could hear Tamlen's screams. Then, nothing...

Then, my vision was blurred and a garbled voice. All I remember is seeing a dark man, looking down at me...

"Can you hear me?" said a voice. "I'm...very sorry..."

I passed out again.


	3. Recruited

Chapter Two  
_Recruited_

**_Lillianth's Journal_**

What seemed like hours, I awoke, rubbing my head. I was surprised that I was back at camp. The sunlight gave me a headache. Was it all a dream? Did it really happen?

"Lillianth, you're awake!" said Fenarel, another friend of mine and Tamlen's.

I once had the pleasure of experimenting with Fenarel when we were young. It was nothing more than just kissing and some heavy petting, and I orally pleasured him once. Hahren Paivel caught us together. Poor Fenarel had his hand up my blouse, exploring my breasts! What a scolding we got from him for our 'youthful misconduct' and the unbelievable blushing from both of us! We decided not to try it again since it was too embarrassing, remaining good friends after that.

As adolescents, the Dalish grow wild, experimenting with each other. The elders discourage this and insist that we take all relationships slow and steady since we would eventually choose a mate. Yet there are rebellious ones; the girls are wilder than the boys. Some of us never go any further than experimentation, it's rare for us to go all the way.

"Thank the gods!" he exclaimed, relieved that I was awake. "Everyone's been worried sick about you. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, just a little groggy," I said. "How did I get here, Fenarel?"

"A _shem _brought you back two days ago...don't you remember?" I was shocked that I had been asleep for two days. "He was a Grey Warden and slung you over his shoulder. He said he found you outside a cave in the forest, delirious and running a fever. He left you here and ran off again. The keeper's been using old magic to heal you."

So it was no dream! Everything that just happened was real.

"Where's Tamlen?" I asked.

"He didn't come back?" he answered, surprised.

"I'd better go talk to the Keeper right away."

Quickly, I went to find Keeper Marethari. Her grey eyes were concerned when I approached her.

"I see you are awake, _da'len,_"said Keeper Marethari. "It was fortunate that Duncan found you when he did. I know not what dark power held you, but it nearly bled the life out of you. It was difficult even with my magic to keep you alive."

"Duncan? Is that the _shem_ who brought me back?" I asked. "The tall dark man...I thought I was dreaming..."

"Yes. And no, you weren't dreaming, _da'len_. He introduced himself as a Grey Warden. He thought there may have been darkspawn creatures inside the cave. Is that true?"

I told her about the walking corpses and monsters.

"Dark magic, but not darkspawn. I know not what the other creatures you speak of. What else did you find? What's the last thing you remember?"

"A mirror. Tamlen touched it...and..."

"And it caused all this? I have never heard of this." She sighed. "I was hoping for more answers when you woke, but found only questions. And Tamlen remains missing. His condition may be worse than yours. Duncan went to the cave to search for more darkspawn, but we cannot rely on him to look for Tamlen. We must go ourselves. Are you well enough to show the way, _da'len_?"

"Yes, Keeper. But is my sickness gone?"

"Your fever broke and whatever signs of illness are gone. I don't know for sure. We must watch your condition, but you seem well enough. We won't find this cave without you."

"Then, I will go."

"Good. I'm ordering the clan to pack the cave so we can go north. Take Merrill with you. Find Tamlen if you can, but do it swiftly."

"The clan is leaving?" I said, surprised.

"If there is any truth of what you say, we must get away from that horde. But that's not your concern. Did you encounter any other humans out in the forest?"

I told her about the three _shems_ Tamlen and I encountered in the forest and that they were the ones who found the cave, then drove them off.

"Although you did scare them away, they will rouse against us. We're not welcome here and have stayed too long. We must move on quickly. Go quickly for Tamlen's life hangs in the balance."

I ran to Hahren Paivel. Perhaps he would know more about our past if we lived in caves. Paivel was the elder of our clan. Old and wise; his flowing white hair, his blue eyes wise and stern. He was a wonderful storyteller. I remember many days and nights hearing his stories, gathered around the fire when I was a child.

"Thank the Creators you are safe, _da'len_," he said. Then, his eyes flared like blue flames and his voice sounded like thunder. "What were you two thinking, wandering into the cave without coming to the keeper first?!" he yelled, sternly.

I have endured many scoldings from Hahren since I always got in trouble as a _da'len_: from wandering away from the camp, fighting with others, from the time a _shem _child followed me to our camp to my indiscreet experimentation with Fenarel. Yes! I was quite a troublemaker in the clan.

"_Ir abelas _(I'm sorry), Hahren," I said, lowering my head, feeling the red of shame in my cheeks. "You're right. I should've come back here first."

"I suppose you can be forgiven for your youth," he said. "Sadly, Tamlen pays the price. Losing you would be a terrible crime." He sighed, rubbing his head. "Ah, _da'len_. It always seems that trouble finds you no matter where you go." He chuckled a little, reminiscing all the times we had these talks. I always made him laugh, no matter how much trouble I got into.

"I wanted to ask you, Hahren. The cave Tamlen and I found, we found Elven artifacts there: do you suppose Elves lived there?"

"I've never heard of such a thing, _da'len_. Maybe in the days of ancient Arlathan, we lived free and spread across the continent. We were as varied as the _shemlan_, though fewer in number number. Perhaps we did then, but all knowledge has been lost. I'll let you get back to what you are doing then, _da'len_. May the gods watch over you."

Nodding, I took off to find Merrill. Fenarel caught up to me, panting. He looked just as concerned.

"Is the keeper sending you back to the cave to look for Tamlen?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm going with Merrill." I said.

"Let me come!" he insisted. "Keeper Marethari probably won't approve, but I can help find him."

"I'm only supposed to take Merrill. I can't disobey the Keeper, Fenarel."

"Tamlen is my friend too, Lillianth! I want to help find him! If Merrill can risk it, so can I!"

"All right, come with us. But let me do all the talking."

"Good. I'll follow you. Just to make sure Merrill doesn't go running off to tell the Keeper."

We went to find Merrill, the Keeper's first: she had short black hair and wore mage's robes with the fur of black bear and claws on her shoulders.

"The Keeper told me to accompany you to the cave you found," she said. "We must make haste; Tamlen may not have much time."

"Fenarel is coming with us," I told her. "Is there a problem with that?"

"That depends on the keeper. I thought we were supposed to go alone."

"She said it's fine," I lied.

My rogue teacher always said that I had a silver tongue for persuasion and lying, encouraging me to put it to good use. He said use seduction if necessary, especially with men. They would be willing to say anything: a simple touch, a glance of naked flesh...whatever it took to get results you wanted.

"I suppose I needn't worry then. Let us make haste while daylight lasts."

We headed out from the camp to the path that lead to the cave, stumbling upon monsters I don't remember seeing before. Fenarel and I shot arrows at them while Merrill used her magic to dispatch them.

"What were those things? Were those darkspawn?" Merrill exclaimed, examining them.

"I-I don't know," I stammered.

"I've never seen anything like them. I could smell the evil on them. Where did they come from? Were they here before, Lillianth?"

"I think I would've noticed," I said.

"What would the darkspawn...?" Then she looked at me, worried. "Before we go, are you alright? Were you hurt during the fight?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I replied, suspicious.

"You do look quite pale..." said Fenarel, squinting. "Now that Merrill's mentioned it."

"I'm fine. Just the exertion."

"Well, I'll keep an eye on you since you've recovered from your illness," Merrill said, not convinced.

I showed them down the path to the cave, which we came upon a campsite just a few feet from the cave's entrance.

"I wonder whose camp this is," Merrill said. "Do you remember it being here?"

"This wasn't here before," I said, examining the wood. "This looks fresh. Maybe it belongs to that _shemlan_ who found me."

"You're probably right. He said he was heading back to the cave...there's no sign of Tamlen though...wait! Do you hear that?" she said, listening intently.

The forest became silent; the birds and animals had abruptly stopped making noise.

"It's too quiet," I commented, looking around.

"Yes. Something's here. Something unnatural."

"Tamlen said he felt the same way when we were in the cave," I added. "We should be careful."

"And now it's affecting the forest. Maybe that mirror unleashed some kind of sickness."

Once we arrived at the cave, Merrill stared in wonder at the ruins, examining them inquisitively.

"It's definitely human with some Elven artifacts," Merrill confirmed. "But, we must find Tamlen—or what's left of him. I can't imagine he's still alive with those creatures about."

"We'll find him," I assured her. "He's a strong, brave hunter."

"You're right, Lillianth. We should go on before I go on about my fears."

I showed them where the mirror was. There was someone already there: it was a tall, dark man with a large nose and a hard face adorned with a beard. His eyes were dark and fierce like a warrior. His black hair was pulled back into a ponytail and he wore a silver earring in his ear. He wore Grey Warden armor with a sword and dagger on his back.

"So, you were the one fighting the darkspawn, were you?" he said. He sounded wise. Then, he looked at me. "You're the Elf I found wandering the forest, aren't you? Lillianth, is it? I'm surprised you are recovered."

"So, you're Duncan, the Grey Warden who saved me?" I replied.

"Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you. Did your keeper send you after me? I told her I would be in no danger."

"We're looking for our brother, Tamlen," I told him.

"So, you and Tamlen both entered this cave and saw this mirror?"

"Yes...he touched it and...I blacked out."

"I see." Duncan looked very grim. "That's unfortunate. The Grey Wardens have seen artifacts like this. It's Tevinter origin. It's used as a portal to communicate with the dead. Tamlen's touch must have released it. It's what made you sick—and Tamlen too, I presume."

"So it's true. I had the darkspawn plague?" I confirmed.

"You have it still. And it will infect others so long as this mirror exists. Your recovery is only temporary. I can sense the sickness within you and it's spreading. Look inside yourself and you will see."

This was starting to get frightening. I was still sick?! Was I going to die? But I felt perfectly fine. How could I be?

"What...what should I do?" I questioned. "Can't we cure it?"

"First we deal with the mirror. It is a pestilence and a threat." Drawing his sword, he drove it into the mirror. It shattered and there was a blinding light and a ghostly, angry roar. I was horrified that he had done this! We went to find Tamlen in hopes of bringing him back, only for Duncan to destroy it. Now there was no way we could find him now!

"It is done," he said. "Now, let's leave this cursed place. I must speak with your keeper immediately regarding your cure, Lillianth."

"But...what about Tamlen?" I exclaimed, still unable to comprehend what had just happened.

"There is nothing we can do," he said, grimly.

"But..._I'm_ still alive. He could be too!" I protested.

"Hear me when I say: there is is _nothing_ you can do. He's been tainted for three days unaided and he would've been beyond hope of saving. Trust me what I say that he is gone. Now, we should return. I sense no other darkspawn nearby, so it's safe."

I hung my head, saddened. I would never question a Grey Warden. I suppose what Duncan said might be right. But it was my fault! I let him touch that mirror. I should've been more assertive, pulled him away from there...Creators' breath! I might as well have pushed him into that mirror. We left the cave and returned to the camp. Duncan looked over at me, seeing that I was already tearing up. I used every ounce of my will not to cry.

"I am sorry for your friend," he said, sympathetically.

"I-" I began. "It's my fault. I didn't..."

"Don't blame yourself, Lillianth. Tamlen's fate wasn't your doing."

"I'm relieved you have returned," said the Keeper. "And I didn't expect you to return so soon, Duncan."

"I wasn't expecting to return either," he replied.

Keeper turned to me. "_Da'len,_ dare I ask of Tamlen? Have you found you found him?"

I looked down sadly, my heart heavy with grief and failure; my face flushed with shame, feeling my stomach sink.

"_Ir abelas_ (I'm sorry), Keeper," I said. "He's gone."

"I see." She looked very disappointed. Turning to Merrill, she asked, "What about the mirror, Merrill? Did you bring anything back?"

"I can answer that. I destroyed it," said Duncan.

"I intended to use it to find a cure for Lillianth's mysterious sickness. But I'm sure you had good reason, Duncan." She told Merrill to warn the hunters and to have everyone pack up to leave. Turning to me, "_Da'len_, tell Hahren Paivel what has occurred. He has the sad task of preparing the dead. I must speak to Duncan in private regarding your cure."

"Yes, Keeper," I said.

I slunk away. Tears leaked from my eyes and my heart broke. The hopes of my special night with Tamlen were no more. I wished that I could tell him how I felt and now, he was gone forever...all because of me! I fingered the bracelet he made for me when we were children. I had done this to him. I was a idiot!

I approached Hahren Paivel and told him about Tamlen's demise. His blue eyes looked sad when I told him. I lowered my head.

"It's my fault," I admitted. "I failed him and the clan."

"You've done nothing of the sort, _da'len," _he said, placing a hand on my shoulder, sympathetic. "Do not blame yourself. It seems the will of the Creators that I sing for the dirge for those I held in my arms as babes. I think I know why our immortal ancestors would sleep." He faced the fire and recited in Elven:

_Swiftly do stars burn a path across the sky, _

_Hastening one last kiss upon your eye_

_Tenderly land enfolds you in slumber_

_Softening the rolling thunder_

_Dagger now sheathed, bow no longer tense,_

_During this, your last hour, only silence. _

"The keeper said to tell you to prepare a service for him," I told him.

"Of course. With no body to return to the soil, but we shall sing for him. The Creators will come to take him to the Beyond. Tell the Keeper it shall be done before the clan is ready to move on."

"_Ma serranas,_ Hahren."

I left to find Ashalle, my guardian who raised me when my parents died. She expressed her condolences since she knew how I felt about Tamlen since we were children.

"I had hoped you and him-well, let's not dwell on it." I knew what she was talking about. "You must be more careful, Lillianth. Your mother and father, may they rest in peace, would be horrified to take such risks."

"You never spoke of my parents, Ashalle," I replied.

"What happens to them is a sad tale, Lillianth, and it's in the past. Reopening old wounds benefits no one."

"Please, Ashalle," I implored. "Tell me. Don't we strive to learn our past?"

"Perhaps you're old enough, but hardly seems like the right time. Well, alright. If I don't tell you now, you'll always wonder." She sighed and began: "Your mother was a hunter and your father a keeper way before Marethari, yet they both were from different clans; it was a match that was not approved of. So they often had to sneak out to meet each other. One night, bandits caught them in the forest and your father was killed. Your mother escaped."

"Humans killed my father?" I said, horrified. "I always thought they died together."

"Yes. But so did city elves. Your mother held on long enough to give birth to you. But she was wracked with grief in her heart. One night, she just simply walked into the moonlight and never returned."

"She...abandoned me?" I said, shocked. My heart filled with rage and disgust. "What a foolish and weak thing to do!"

"You judge too harshly, Lillianth," Ashalle said, a little crestfallen. "Perhaps you will understand when you fall in love. She just...couldn't carry on without your father. The clan decided not to discuss this around you, lest it poison your heart with sadness."

I can't believe I've never heard this! "I should've told me, Ashalle!" I spat, angrily.

"Well, Lillianth, our people have learned to live with much sorrow." She paused. "Your mother did leave you a gift, something of your father's for you to have once you were older. Perhaps it is time..."

"I don't know if I want it now."

"Don't say that, Lillianth!" she scolded. "This is your heritage. You should be proud of it. Take this key and there's a chest by the halla pen. The contents are your mother's, if you wish."

I went to collect what was left of my heritage: my mother's pendant. It was silver with twin swirls. It was an Elven pendant of two souls. It is said that when the Dalish bond with their mate, their souls connect. I fingered it for a moment; though bitter about my mother's abandonment, I guess I could understand why she left. Her grief was too much to bear. I don't think she would've done well raising me on her own. I could picture her just sitting there, forlorn and staring vacantly, maybe crying all the time. Ashalle did a fine job and her sons accepted me as their sister. I put on my mother's pendant.

I returned to Duncan and Keeper to let them know I had completed my task.

"Your keeper and I have spoken and we've come to an arrangement," said Duncan. "My order is in need of help and you are in need of the cure. When I leave, I hope you will join me. You would make an excellent Grey Warden."

I was surprised. I looked at her to confirm if what Duncan said was true. "Am I to become a Grey Warden, Keeper?"

"Yes," said Keeper. "Your life depends on it."

"The darkspawn taint courses through your veins," Duncan continued. "That you recovered at all is remarkable. Eventually, the taint will sicken and kill you, or worse. The Grey Wardens can prevent that. But it means joining us."

"I-I don't know what to say..." I stammered. I had always admired the Grey Wardens, yet to be one! "I suppose it is generous of you, Duncan. But will I be able to return to my clan?"

"We do not know," said Keeper. "We cannot be sure of that."

"This is not simply charity on my part," Duncan added. "You will likely never return here. We go to fight the darkspawn, a battle that will take us far from your clan. But we need you and others like you."

"Is the clan sending me away, Keeper?" I asked.

The Keeper looked very sad.

"A great army of darkspawn gathers in the south," she said. "A new Blight threatens this land. We cannot outrun this storm. Long ago, the Dalish agreed to help the Grey Wardens when that day comes. We must honor that agreement. It breaks my heart to send one of our daughters away from the clan that loves her. As it would to watch you die slowly from this sickness. This is your duty, and your salvation. If the Creators intend this for you, hold your head up high and embrace your destiny. Know this: You are Dalish. Never forget that."

I suppose I couldn't refuse duty. I was afraid, but I always felt there was something out there that was meant for me. I often wondered what I would do with my life. Perhaps Keeper was right. Perhaps the Creators were pointing me down that path.

"Then, I accept this privilege, Duncan," I said, humbly. "If you will have me."

"I welcome you to the order, Lillianth," he said, smiling. "It is rare to have a Dalish amongst us, but they have all served with such distinction."

"I know you will do your clan proud," said Keeper. She handed me her emerald ring with the symbol of my clan. "Take this ring with you so it may protect you from darkness."

"_Ma serranas, _Keeper."

"Are you ready to go, Lillianth?" asked Duncan.

"I would like to stay for Tamlen's funeral and say goodbye to my clan, Duncan. If I may."

"Certainly...then we must be off."

"Come, _da'len,_" said Keeper. "Before the Creators guide you from us, let your clan embrace you for one last time."

Tamlen's funeral was beautiful: we planted a tree in the soil, decorating it with flowers and gifts. Tears brimmed my eyes as I thought of all the happy memories of us, fingering my bracelet. We sang the Elven Eulogy for him, our voices rising to the sky above the trees. I hung the bracelet I had intended to give him on the tree, knowing he would never have it now.

Once the funeral was over, I bade all of my clan farewell, remembering their faces. I said farewell to Ashalle and my brothers, who had children and wives now.

"We'll miss you, Lillianth," my brothers said.

I turned to Ashalle and told her I was sorry for my childish behavior earlier, which she smiled gently and forgave me. "Keep safe, my dear. May the Creators watch over you."

Taking one last look at my clan, I followed Duncan. My journey to a new life awaited...


	4. Alistair

Chapter 3

_Alistair_

**_Lillianth's__ Journal_**

We traveled to Ostegar, a ruin located in the south near the Koncari Wilds. Duncan explained the history of Grey Wardens and their battles against the darkspawn. I tried to listen to him, but my thoughts kept going back to the events of what happened continued to repeat. I kept remembering all the faces of my clan, forever burned into my mind. I would miss them. What brought my heart more grief than leaving was Tamlen's disappearance. My failure to find him. Leaving him there to die.

Soon we approached a massive fortress that lay in some ruin, damaged from battles and worn from weather. I saw the mountains in the distance and the forest in the gorge below. There were giant statues on the bridge that crossed the gorge, many were missing or broken.

"Lillianth?" Duncan questioned. "Are you listening?"

I couldn't lie. Sure, he was a _shemlan_, but he saved my life. I lowered my head, sadly.

"I understand you are grieving and are consumed with guilt for what has happened," he said, gently. "But know this: Tamlen's fate wasn't your fault."

"I just..." I began. "I wish we never found that cave..."

"Wishful thinking will not bring your friend back, Lillianth. You can take your vengeance on the darkspawn, if you wish. But, do not let your anger consume you. Channel it if you must in battle, but always keep your mind focused. We must always press forward."

I nodded.

Soon, a man approached, dressed in gold armor. His blonde hair was long with thin plaits tied behind his head. He had an arrogant, yet friendly smile. His blue eyes glittered with pride.

"King Cailan!" said Duncan, shaking the man's hand. "I didn't expect-"

"A royal welcome?" he finished. "The Wardens tell me you found a promising recruit. I take it this is she?" He looked at me, inquisitively.

"Allow me to introduce you..." Duncan began, turning towards me.

"No need to be formal, Duncan," he interrupted, holding up a hand. "We'll be shedding blood together, after all." The King turned to me. "Ho there, friend! Might I know your name?"

"I am Lillianth, Your Majesty," I replied, softly.

"Pleased to meet you," he smiled. "You are Dalish, are you not? I hear your people possess remarkable skill and honor."

I was surprised to hear such a wonderful thing...especially from a human and a king. I didn't see the point of being rude to humans now since I was to become a Grey Warden and I would probably be around them more than I was used to.

"Why, thank you," I beamed. "I didn't know His Majesty was familiar with the Dalish."

"I wish I knew more, knowing your people and mine aren't exactly on good terms. And for good reason. I'm glad to see that you are civil since we have treated you so terribly. I tell you this, you are very welcome here. Maybe you could tell me more about your people once the battle is over."

"Certainly," I said, humbly.

The men talked amongst themselves about the upcoming battle against the darkspawn while I just shut it out, treating it like white noise. By the sound of what King Cailan was saying, he was confident that the Blight was going to be over tonight. Yet Duncan didn't seem too convinced. Soon King Cailan bade us farewell since he had important business to attend.

"What the king said is true," said Duncan. "They've won several battles against the darkspawn here."

"Yet, you don't sound reassured," I replied.

He led me through the bridge to the other side of the fortress."Despite the victories so far, the darkspawn grow with each passing day. I know there is an archdemon behind this, but I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feeling."

"He certainly seems to regard the Grey Wardens so highly," I commented.

"Yet, not enough to wait for reinforcements from the Grey Wardens of Orlais. He believes our legend alone makes him invulnerable. Our numbers in Ferelden are too few. We must do what we can. To that end, we should proceed with the Joining ritual without delay."

This was new to me. I mean, how hard could it be to join the Grey Wardens? Hahren told me stories about the Grey Wardens: I knew about the Right of Conscription, which allowed them to select someone to join in a time of need, if they were worthy in their leader's eyes.

"What ritual?" I asked, curious.

"Every recruit must go through this secret ritual called the Joining in order to become a Grey Warden," Duncan said. "This will cure you of the suffering your tainted blood surely brings you. If it had been possible, I would have done it by now."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"It is not a simple antidote, Lillianth, and it is dangerous. I cannot speak more of it except to say that you will learn all in good time. Until then, you must trust that what is done is necessary."

I suppose Duncan was right. The Dalish are taught to be patient. If this so-called Joining would rid me of the taint, then so be it. Perhaps there were other Grey Wardens who would know more about this Joining.

"Feel free to explore the camp if you wish," he said. "But I ask that you do not leave it. There is another Grey Warden at the camp by the name of Alistair. When you are ready, seek him out and tell him to gather the new recruits. I have business to attend to at my tent. You can find me there once you've found Alistair."

Once Duncan and I parted ways, I explored the Grey Warden's camp: it was bustling with soldiers, templars, and I saw some mages among them. Soon, I heard barking nearby and went to investigate. The kennel master was examining a dog, looking very worried. The dogs were large and brown, pointed ears and stubby tails. Never had I seen such creatures!

"What are these?" I asked, looking in.

"Mabari hounds, or war dogs, milady," he said. "Surely you have heard of them?"

"No, I haven't," I said. I looked at the dog he was tending to. I saw pain in the animal's eyes, which I knew was a telltale sign. "This one looks sick. What's wrong with him?"

"He accidentally consumed darkspawn blood. He bit one that was attacking his master, who sadly died. Darkspawn blood is fatal to both humans and beasts. I'm afraid he won't have long to live."

I looked at the poor creature: we shared something in common at least. Tainted.

"Is there a way I could help?" I asked.

"Well, would you like to muzzle him? That would surely help a lot. You needn't worry about anything except a few tooth marks. Just let him sniff your hand."

The only animals I had been in contact with were halla, but surely this would be no different. I approached the Mabari, kneeling on the ground. It lifted its head, curiously. Then stood up and sniffed my outstretched hand and licked it, looking trustfully at me. I muzzled him, stroking the fur on his head, speaking comforting words. The dog wagged his stubby tail at me, happily.

"Well, he sure does like you," commented the kennel master. "By the way, are you going into the Wilds by any chance?"

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"If you are, could you find me a flower? It's white with a blood red center. This plant will cure him of the sickness."

"Certainly," I said. "I wouldn't want such a fine dog to die."

"Thank you, milady," he said.

I asked around to see where I could find the Grey Warden Alistair, which they pointed me in the direction of a ruin. Once I got closer, I heard loud arguing. I tried my best not to listen and mute my presence. There was a soldier and a mage; apparently he had done something to piss him off.

The soldier was tall with a look of pride, compassion, and playfulness. He had soulful hazel eyes, his blond hair was cropped short, his skin was golden tan. He had an unshaven chin with a soul patch, his nose looked a bit large and pointed, and his lips were sensual. He was dressed in splint mail armor. A longsword hung on his back along with a shield of the sun...

The sun! The sun I had seen in my vision! The one with the gold rays and the red sky above it. I stared at it for a moment, then shook my head in disbelief. Could it be? No! It was just a stupid dream. I was out of my mind when I was going through the _vallaslin_, starving and delirious.

For a human, he sure was handsome: I couldn't help but stare at him. I would never admit that out loud. I kept remembering about what the humans had done to us. Well, I was to be a Grey Warden now and probably never see my clan again. No point being rude to another fellow Grey Warden. Besides, he had a good nature to him.

The soldier responded to the mage's angry spats with biting sarcasm, yet it was playful.

"And here we were getting along _so_ well," he said. "I was even going to name one of my children after you-the _grumpy_ one!"

I did whatever I could to hold back my laughter. He sure was funny...for a human.

"Enough! I will speak to the woman if I must!" the mage responded, turning in a huff. Then mage shoved me out of his path, "Get out of my way, fool!" he snapped at me._  
_

Soon, the soldier turned towards me. "You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together." His voice was full of playful wit.

"I guess I know how it feels," I replied.

"It's like a party!" he said, sarcastically. "We could all stand around and hold hands. _That'll_ give the darkspawn to think about something." I smiled a little, amused by his wit. He looked me over for a moment. "Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you're another mage?"

"No. I'm not," I assured him.

"Well, less being yelled at then," he replied, relieved. "The day is still young. Wait, I _do_ know you! You're Duncan's new recruit, the Dalish! I should've recognized you right away. I apologize."

"It's alright. And you must be Alistair."

"Did Duncan mention me?" he said, simpering. "Nothing bad, I hope. And yes, I'm Alistair. As a junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining."

"Pleasure. I'm Lillianth."

"Right...Lillianth. That was the name. You know...it just occurred to me that there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?"

Smirking, I said something witty in return. "Perhaps we're too smart for you."

"True. But what does that make you?" He cocked an eyebrow with a smirk, his hazel eyes twinkling with amusement.

"I guess I'm one of the boys," I chuckled. "I always enjoyed being with boys than girls."

"I take it you were _quite_ popular with them."

"Not like _that_," I replied, rolling my eyes a little. "I was never interested in things girls did. I liked exploring, hunting, fighting. So, I take it you want more women in the Grey Wardens?"

"Would it be so terrible?" he shrugged. Then stammered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Not that I'm some drooling lecher...please stop looking at me like that." Clearing his throat, he continued. "So tell me, Lillianth, have you ever encountered darkspawn before?"

"Just recently, yes."

"I've only fought them up close once. And that was before the battles here started...which Duncan has kept me out of so far. Tell me, do you find them as monstrous as I did?"

"Monstrous. But they all are killable. I'm not afraid of them."

"You'll be at an advantage then," Alistair said, impressed. "Most new recruits have never even _seen_ darkspawn. Anyway, let's head back to Duncan. I imagine he's eager to get things started."

"About that argument..."

"With the mage?" He rolled his eyes. "The Circle is here at the King's request. And the Chantry doesn't like that one bit. They just _love_ letting mages know how unwelcome they are. Which puts me in an awkward position because I was once a templar."

Hahren had told me about templars: knights of the Chantry, the church of Ferelden, who hunted apostate mages. The very same who called the Dalish 'blasphemers' because we would not worship their gods. Yet, Alistair didn't seem a templar type.

"I guess that would be awkward," I replied with a shrug.

"I'm sure the revered mother meant it as an insult, sending me as her messenger. And the mage picked up _right_ on that. I never would have agreed to deliver the message, but Duncan says we're all to cooperate and get along. Apparently, they didn't get the same speech."

I had to admit I really liked Alistair.

"Well, I look forward traveling with you, Alistair," I said.

"You do?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "Huh. That's a switch. If you have any questions, let me know. Otherwise, let's go meet Duncan."

We walked side by side towards Duncan's tent. There was an uncomfortable silence between us. I did want to know more about my fellow Grey Warden if we were going to fight against the darkspawn. But, how do I start a conversation with a human? I've never talked to one before...only mere threats to drive them away from our camp mostly.

"So, Alistair," I began. "Since we are going to be Grey Wardens, tell me about yourself."

"There's not much to tell," he said. "What do you want to hear?"

"You said you're a templar, right?"

"Actually, I'm not _really_ a templar...I never took my final vows."

"I see. So, how did you become a Grey Warden?"

"Well, Duncan recruited me six months ago. The Chantry raised me and becoming a templar was a decision made _for _me a long time ago."

By the sound of it, Alistair certainly didn't like it. "I take it you didn't want to join the Chantry?"

"It just...wasn't for me," he said, shrugging. "I believe in the Maker well enough, but I _never_ wanted to devote my life to the Chantry. After spending years in there, hopelessly resigned to my fate, Duncan saw I wasn't happy and figured my fighting mages could double by fighting darkspawn. The grand cleric wouldn't let me go if Duncan never forced the issue. I'll always be grateful to him because he was the first person to care about what I wanted. He risked a lot to help me with the grand cleric. What do you think about Duncan?"

"I suppose he's not too bad," I shrugged. "Kind, yet firm. Yet, I'm grateful that he saved me though."

"Fair enough. He does all he can with what little he has. So, how did you become a Grey Warden, Lillianth?"

"Honestly, I didn't really have a choice. I was exposed to the darkspawn plague and my friend..." I stopped, my heart still wounded from losing Tamlen, for my failure. I felt my tears coming up, fingering Tamlen's bracelet. I didn't want Alistair to see me all weepy. "I don't want to talk about it. It's...too soon right now."

"I see," he replied, sympathetic. "I heard about your friend. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," I said, swallowing, dabbing my eyes with my fingers.

"I have to admit, Lillianth, I've always been curious about the Dalish since it is rare to have one of them in the Grey Wardens. Would you mind if I asked you something?"

"What do you want to know?"

"The tattoo on your face: why do you have it? Does it have any meaning?"

"It's called _vallaslin_, blood writing," I told him. I explained to him the whole procedure as we walked through the camp.

"Ouch!" he grimaced. "All that pain and no screaming?"

"Screaming is considered a sign of weakness and not being ready. But, there's no shame in that. We always try again."

"Wow!" he said with his eyes wide, very impressed. "If you could survive this...blood writing, then I'm sure you'll do fine at the Joining. I don't think I'd be able to endure what you went through."

"Didn't you have any painful experiences at the Chantry?" I asked.

"Erm..." he blushed a little. "I was beaten by the sisters a couple of times. I think the most painful was the time I was ten, I was lashed with a switch by one of the sisters in the Chantry for disobedience. But I'm sure it pales to what you went through."

"So, why is this Joining so secret, Alistair? What do you know of it?" I asked, curious.

He seemed a little reluctant to talk about it. "I suppose you can ask me after we speak with Duncan," he said. "All in good time you will learn, Lillianth."

Well, I didn't get one of my questions answered, but I sure got to know Ser Templar a little. I really liked him. He was not what I expected from a human.

* * *

_**Excerpt from Alistair's Journal**_

Ugh! I_ hate_ mages! I try to deliver them _one _message from the revered mother and they jump down my damn throat like it's _my_ fault! I was just a messenger. Tensions are high enough between mages and templars.

Amidst the argument with the mage, I see in the corner of my eye a Dalish woman. I had heard about Duncan's new recruit. Never would I have expected a woman, let alone a Dalish...a rather beautiful one, I must confess. Her skin was pale, her face was very pretty, a tattoo emblazoned on her face, which reminded me of two trees; their thorny branches intersecting like hands. Her lips were quite beautiful. Her neck was graceful like a swan's, adorned with a silver medallion and a faded tattooed X on her throat. I could see her pointed ears peeking out her short coppery hair, which came to her jawline and had a few tiny braids. Her eyes were piercing emeralds, quite beautiful and sparkling with thick lashes, the first thing I noticed. She wore leather armor, twin daggers and a bow with a quiver of arrows on her back. A rogue. I'm just glad the new recruit wasn't a mage. I'm always afraid they'll turn me into a toad. No, I like the way I am.

I introduced myself to the new recruit, trying to remember her name...what was it again?

"Pleasure. I'm Lillianth," she replied. Her voice reminded me of a soprano bell I had once heard at the Chantry: light, airy and sweet, a very pleasing lilt to my ears.

"Right...Lillianth," I said, feeling stupid. Such a pretty name for a pretty woman! _Stop that, Alistair! You are not here to gawk at pretty women!_ I scolded myself. I knew from the moment I met Lillianth, I liked her. She seemed like she didn't mind working with men.

"So, I take it that you want more women in the Grey Wardens?" she said.

"Would it be so terrible?" I said. "Not that I'm some drooling lecher..." I stammered. Maker's breath! This woman made me blush.

She told me she had encountered darkspawn. I was pleased to hear that she had no fear of them. Beautiful, witty, brave. Quite a nice combination!

"Let us go meet Duncan," I said.

We walked side by side towards Duncan's tent. Lillianth asked about me, which I gladly obliged: about how I was trained to be a templar, raised in the Chantry, and how Duncan conscripted me to the Grey Wardens. I remember how the grand cleric reacted when Duncan arrived to take me. She was red in the face, screaming at him to get out, flat out refusing. He invoked the Right of Conscription. I was so relieved to be out of that dreadful place! I laughed to myself seeing her upon leaving, tight mouthed and red, probably cursing under her breath...

I must confess, I was curious about Lillianth. I inquired about her facial tattoo, which she told me about the _vallaslin_, or blood writing. I was surprised that the Dalish, upon coming of age, undergo this painful rite-of-passage ritual like that and not scream at all. She told me doing so was a sign of weakness, but no shame in it since they do try again. I was impressed that Lillianth was able to endure such pain like that. I was certain that she would survive the Joining. She seemed like a tough woman.

"Didn't you have any painful experiences at the Chantry?" she asked.

I blushed, confessing about my life in the Chantry. Ah, the first time I was punished! How I remember my pants were around my ankles, the biting sting of the switch against my bottom and the backs of my legs. I bit back my tears the whole time, knowing the other boys would tease me for being a sissy.

Needless to say, I always thought up of ways to get punished on purpose just to make the boys laugh. At least it brought some joy into the dreariness of everyday life at the Chantry.

I hated it there! I was so miserable. My first night at the Chantry, I cried. I was so angry at Arl Eamon for leaving me there. I did whatever I could to get kicked out so they would send me back. They wouldn't let me go _that_ easily.

When I asked her about how she became a Grey Warden, she said she and her friend were exposed to the darkspawn plague...then, her eyes began to well up, playing with a bracelet on her thin wrist.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, her voice breaking. "It's...too soon right now."

I had heard that Lillianth had lost someone very dear to her. She dabbed her eyes with her fingers, sniffling a little. Poor girl! To lose a friend and become tainted all in one day! I can't imagine how hard it must've been.

* * *

_**Lillianth's Journal**_

While Alistair and I walked to Duncan's tent, in complete silence. I couldn't help but stare at him. Well, I was a woman and he was really handsome. Aside from that, he did look vaguely familiar. I searched my memory since I recall seeing those hazel eyes somewhere...

"What are you staring at?" he asked, curiously. "Is there something on my nose?"

"No," I said, a little embarrassed. "It's nothing."

"Good, you've found Alistair," Duncan said. "I assume you're ready to begin preparations." He turned to Alistair. "Assuming of course, you're quite finished riling up mages, Alistair." He was scolding him, possibly for the fight between him and the mage that I had just witnessed.

"What could I say?" he shrugged. "The revered mother ambushed me. The way she wields guilt, they should stick her in the army."

"She forced you to sass the mage?" Duncan said doubtfully. "We cannot afford to antagonize anyone, Alistair. We don't need to give anyone more ammunition against us."

"You're right, Duncan," Alistair said, resigned. "I...apologize. I'll go gather those who we're missing."

Alistair turned away and was gone only momentarily, bringing two men with him.

"I would like you to meet the two new recruits as well," Alistair began. "This is Ser Jory, a knight from Redcliffe," he gestured to a knight. "And Daveth, a...fellow from Denerium." A dark man. I recognized him as a rogue as well, hence Alistair's hesitance. Probably something he did that was not very...lawful.

"Pleased to meet you," I said to the two men.

"And this is Lillianth," said Alistair.

The two men nodded. "Milady, pleased to meet you." they said.

"Before you begin," Duncan announced. "You will be sent into the Koncari Wilds to perform two tasks. The first is to obtain three vials of darkspawn blood, one for each recruit."

"What is the second task?" I asked.

"There was once a Grey Warden archive in the wilds abandoned long ago when we could no longer afford to maintain it. They are magically sealed to protect them."

"What kind of scrolls are these? What if they're no longer there?" I asked.

"Old treaties. Promises of support made to support the Grey Wardens long ago. It's possible the scrolls may have been destroyed or stolen. Though the seal's magic should've protected them. Only a Grey Warden can break them."

"I don't understand," said Alistair. "Why leave such things in a ruin if they are such value?"

"It was assumed we'd someday return. A great many things were assumed that have not held true. You will find them in an overgrown ruin, but the sealed chest should remain intact. Alistair will guide you to the area you need to search." He looked at Alistair once again and said. "Watch over your charges, Alistair. Return quickly and safely." Duncan said to us. "May the Maker watch over your path."


	5. Witches of the Wilds

Chapter Four

_Witches of the Wilds  
_

**_Lillianth's Journal_**

We headed towards the gate of the Koncari Wilds. Needless, it had some swamp with weeds growing tall. The trees were slightly scarce and there was a dirt trail that led into the Wilds. I could see some ruins among the swamp. There was the smell of death all over, nauseating me. Slaughtered soldiers and animals lay on the ground. Flies buzzed everywhere. I waved them away in irritation.

There was a cry of pain not a few feet from a ruin.

"Please...help me..." said a weak voice.

We ran towards the voice and saw a soldier, crawling. He was seriously injured, his armor covered in blood.

"Who...there? Grey...Wardens?" he said, weakly.

"Well, he's not half as dead as he looks," Alistair commented.

"Please...help...I've got to return to camp..." he said. "My scouting band was attacked by darkspawn...they came out of the ground..I've got to...return to camp."

"I have bandages in my pack," said Alistair, kneeling down.

Soon as he tended to the soldier's wounds, he thanked us. We directed him to Ostegar and he limped off in the direction.

Jory looked a little nervous. "Did you hear? An entire patrol of seasoned men attacked by darkspawn!" his voice had a slight panic.

"Calm down, Ser Jory," Alistair said. "We'll be fine if we're careful."

"Those soldiers were careful and they were still overwhelmed by darkspawn. How many darkspawn can the four of us slay? A hundred? A thousand? There's an entire army in these forests!"

I wish someone would shut him up. I hated that he was scaring us.

"There are darkspawn about, but we're in no danger of walking into the bulk of the horde," Alistair reassured.

His voice comforted me. Though I was scared, it was good to hear someone so reassuring. I wasn't afraid, but Jory's panicking was starting to bring it up my fears.

"How do you know?" Jory asked. "I'm not a coward, but this is foolish and reckless. I say we should go back."

"You say you're no coward, Jory, yet you certainly sound it," I snapped. "Overcoming these dangers are part of our tests."

"I-I'm not saying that I am," Jory remarked, his brow furrowing. "I'm just trying to stay alive. You don't see me fleeing, do you? I-I just don't look forward to encountering an army of darkspawn."

"A bit of fear isn't unnatural, you know. Few relish meeting darkspawn up close. I know I don't," Alistair said.

"It looks like _I'm_ the only man here," I quipped, rolling my eyes.

Well," Alistair smirked. "I know _I'm_ relying on you to protect me." He turned to Jory. "Know this: all Grey Wardens can sense darkspawn. Whatever their cunning, they won't take us by surprise. That's why I'm here."

"You see, ser knight," said Daveth, who was not afraid. "We might die, but at least we know about it."

"That is...reassuring?" Jory seemed diffident.

"That doesn't mean I'm going to make this easy," Alistair said.

Creators' Breath! Jory was a sissy! He was starting to irritate me, scaring me a little. I was not afraid of the darkspawn. They had taken my friend and possibly killed him. I wanted them _all _to pay for what they did. All of my rage and hate for the darkspawn for what they had done to me would go into killing them.

Keeper always did say I had a problem with my anger as a child. My rogue teacher said that being a rogue, you must keep your calm. You cannot attack in anger since you would likely mess up. Channeling anger into precision and quickness was the way to go.

While we continued on, I found a white flower in the marsh with a blood red center. I plucked it and stuffed it my pouch, knowing the dog keeper would want this for the poor Mabari who was sick.

Soon, we saw a log and hanging from it were three soldiers with nooses around their necks.

"Creators' breath!" I exclaimed in a whisper, horrified upon this sight.

Alistair shook his head. "Poor slobs," he said. "That just seems so excessive."

We fought darkspawn we encountered in the Wilds. I stabbed them with my trusted Dar'Misu blades, driving into their backs, ripping them apart and spilling their guts; their rank disgusting blood spraying all over me. My blades became slippery with sweat and blood. I fired my arrows with my trusted bow once in a while. I scouted ahead of my group, using stealth and backstabbed some unsuspecting darkspawn troops.

Once we reached the outpost, the cache had been smashed open. Daveth and I knelt to examine it.

"This looks recent," I said, squinting. "The wood looks freshly damaged."

"You're sure?" said Jory.

"She's right, ser knight," said Daveth.

"Well, well, what have we here?" said a silky, bored voice. I turned around in the direction of the voice.

It was a very strange woman. She was wild looking: she had black hair tied up in a wild bun and yellow eyes...yes, yellow eyes! She was tall and thin; she wore quite a revealing dress, showing the curves of her breasts, which were adorned with beads and jewels. There was plumage on her right arm and carried a staff on her back. This woman was a mage, no doubt.

"Are you a vulture, I wonder?" she questioned. "A scavenger poking amidst a corpse who's bones have been cleaned? Or merely an intruder come to these darkspawn filled wilds of mine in search of easy prey?" She swaggered gracefully towards us. "Well, what do you say, hmm? Scavenger or intruder?"

"Intruder?" I questioned. "And just how are these Wilds yours? Who are you anyway?"

She chuckled, amused. "Because I know them only as well as one could. I have watched your progress for some time. 'Where do they go?' 'Why are they here?' And now you disturb ashes none have touched for so long. Why is that?"

"Don't answer," said Alistair, suspicious. "She looks Chasind. And that means others may be near by."

"Oh, you fear barbarians will swoop down upon you?" she said sarcastically, waving her arms like a black crow.

"Yes, swooping is bad," Alistair slowly snipped, his eyes still narrowed and his face hardened.

"She's a Witch of the Wilds," said Daveth, who was suddenly not so brave anymore. "She'll turn us all into toads, she will."

"Witch of the Wilds?" Morrigan chuckled, her arms akimbo. "Such idle fancies, those legends. Have you no minds of your own?" Looking at me she said, "You there. Women do not frighten like little boys. Tell me your name and I shall tell you mine."

"You may call me Lillianth," I said, still suspicious.

"And you may call me Morrigan," said the woman. "Shall I guess your purpose? You sought something in that chest, something that is here no longer?"

"Here no longer? You stole them!" Alistair replied, accusingly. "You're...some kind of sneaky...witch...thief!" He stammered a little, his face still hardened.

"How very eloquent!" she drawled "How does one steal from dead men?"

"Quite easily it seems. Those documents are Grey Wardens property! I suggest you return them!"

"I will not, for 'twas not I who removed them. Invoke a name that means nothing here any longer if you wish; I am not threatened."

"Who took them?" I asked.

"'Twas my mother, in fact," said Morrigan.

"Your mother?" I replied, raising my eyebrows. "Could you take us to her?"

"Hmm. There's a sensible request."

"I'd be careful if I were you," said Alistair. "First it's 'I like you', then it's ZAP! Frog time."

"We should get those treaties," I whispered to Alistair. "I don't like Morrigan's sudden appearance either. It is too convenient. But, we need to get them one way or another." I turned to Morrigan. "Why are you interested in helping us?"

"Why not?" said Morrigan with a nonchalant shrug. "I don't meet many people here. Are you all so mistrustful?"

"She'll put us all in the pot," said a trembling Daveth.

"A pot is warmer than this place," said Jory. "It'd be a nice change."

"Follow me then, if you wish."

We followed Morrigan down through the Wilds. She led us down some dirt paths and tall grass. I kept my hand on Dar'Misu in case she did anything funny. Soon we approached a thatched, dirty hut next to a swamp. There was a very old woman with long grey hair, dark circles under her eyes and they too were yellow as Morrigans.

"I bring you four Grey Warden," said Morrigan to this woman.

"I see them, girl," barked the old woman, irritated. "Hmm, much as I expected."

"Are we supposed to believe _you_ were expecting _us_?" laughed Alistair, crossing his arms.

"You are required to do nothing," Morrigan's mother replied. "At least of all believe. Shut one's eyes tightly or open one's arms, either way one is still simply a fool."

"She's a witch, I tell you," whispered Daveth. "We shouldn't be talking to her."

"Quiet, Daveth!" Jory said. "If she's really a witch, do you want to make her mad?"

We needed those scrolls back and if we were rude, chances are we wouldn't get them back. Morrigan's mother said a few words of philosophical wisdom...or perhaps mad ranting. I just wanted to get out of here. This place was creepy.

"And what of you, girl?" asked the woman. "Does your Elven mind give you a different viewpoint. What do you believe?"

"I don't know what to believe," I replied, crossing my arms.

"A statement that possesses more wisdom that implied. Be always aware...or is it oblivious, I can not remember. So much about you is uncertain...yet I believe. Do I?"

"So _this_ is a dreaded Witch of the Wilds?" Alistair said to me, skeptically and gesturing toward the old woman.

"Witch of the Wilds? Morrigan must have told you that. She fancies such tales," laughed the old woman crazily. "How she dances under the moon!"

"They didn't come to listen to your wild tales, mother," said Morrigan, rubbing the bridge of her nose in irritation.

"I know," said the old woman. "They came for their treaties. And before you begin barking, your precious seal wore off long ago. I have protected these."

"You-oh, you protected them?" Alistair said, surprised.

"And why not?" said the old woman. "Take them to your Grey Wardens and tell them this Blight's threat is greater than they realize."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Either the threat is more or they realize less. Or perhaps the threat is nothing. Or perhaps they realize nothing. Oh, don't mind me. You have what you came for." Again more crazy ranting.

"Time for you to go then," said Morrigan shortly.

"Don't be rude, Morrigan," scolded her mother. "These are your guests."

"Oh, very well. I'll show you out of the woods," Morrigan replied, bored and rolling her eyes. "Follow me."

Once we returned to Ostagar, it was already dark. We thanked Morrigan, which she just shrugged off.

"Try not to get lost again," she said.


	6. The Joining

Chapter Five

_The Joining_

**_Lillianth's Journal_  
**

It was already nightfall once Morrigan had led us back to Ostegar. I brought the flower to the kennel master, who thanked me and assured me the dog will be fine within a few days.

"Come by later," he said. "We'll see about imprinting you."

"Really?" I said. "You think so?"

"And why not? He seemed to take a liking to you, milady."

Soon, we brought Duncan our items that he asked us to search for. He was waiting by the fire near his tent, warming himself. He was pleased to hear that we were successful in our task.

"Good. I've had the Circle mages preparing. With the blood you retrieved, we can begin the Joining immediately."

"Now will you tell us about this ritual?" I asked, eagerly.

"I will not lie, Lillianth," he said, grim. "Grey Wardens pay a heavy price to become what we are. Fate may decree that you pay your price now rather than later."

"Is this why the Joining is so secret?"

"If only such secrecy were unnecessary and all understood the necessity of such sacrifice. Sadly that will never be so."

"Let's go then. I'm anxious of seeing this Joining," said Daveth, twitching with excitement.

"Me too," replied Jory. "Let's have it done."

"Let us begin then," said Duncan. "Alistair, take them to the old temple."

Alistair led us to the old temple. I suppose it was the place we had originally met. We were all anxious. It was a cold night and I listened to the crickets chirping. I looked over at Alistair: he looked very worried. I noticed he was wearing a gold ring and he kept rubbing it. Shrugging, I looked away. I didn't want him catching me staring at him again.

Jory and Daveth began arguing; Jory asking all these questions about why so many tests. I swear I'm the bravest one here, and I'm a woman; it irritated me listening to these men acting like a bunch of sissies. The two of them continued to argue.

"Will you both just shut up?" I snapped. I had enough with being frightened.

Again, Jory blubbered in fear, his lower lip trembled.

"Yea, ser knight, why don't you shut your gob before you wet your trousers?" said Daveth.

"I just never faced a foe I couldn't engage with my blade," Jory confessed.

"At last we come to the Joining," Duncan began. He held a silver chalice in his hands. "The first Grey Warden were founded during the first Blight, when humanity stood on the brink of annhilation. So it was the first Grey Wardens who drank the blood of the darkspawn...and mastered their taint."

"We're...we're going to drink the blood of...those creatures?" Jory said, looking sick.

"As the first Grey Wardens did before us, as we did before you. _This_ is the source of our power and victory.

"Those survive become immune to their taint," explained Alistair. "We can sense it in the darkspawn and use it to slay the archdemon."

"Those who survive?" I asked, a little scared.

"Not all who drink the blood will survive and those who do are forever changed," said Duncan. "This is why the Joining is secret. It is the price we pay."

I was horrified. Drinking darkspawn blood?! We would die when we drank it?! _That's_ why the Joining was so secret?! I felt a little sick and scared myself about this. How did this make us Grey Wardens if we were going to die from the Joining? Well, better save questions for later I suppose...if I lived...

"We speak only a few words prior to the Joining," said Duncan. "But these words have been said since the first. Alistair, if you would."

Alistair bowed his head and began to recite a prayer of some sort:

_Join us, brothers and sisters._

_Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant_

_Join us as we carry the duty that can not be foresworn_

_And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten_

_And that one day, we shall join you._

"Daveth, step forward," Duncan commanded.

I watched as Daveth drank from the silver chalice. Suddenly he began to convulse, grasping his head and screaming in pain. What was happening to him? Soon he collapsed, dead at Duncan's feet.

"I am sorry, Daveth," Duncan apologized, looking grim at the fallen Daveth. "Step forward, Jory."

Jory began to blubber and drew his sword. "I have a wife...and a child..."

"There's no turning back," Duncan warned, his voice darkened.

"No! I will not...it's too much! There is no glory in this!" he blubbered. Suddenly, Duncan drew his dagger and stabbed him in the gut. I watched horrified.

"I am sorry," he apologized again. Jory fell, a pool of blood surrounding his dead body.

I looked at Alistair. Worry lines formed on his forehead.

"But the Joining is not yet complete," said Duncan to me, holding the chalice."You have called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good. From this moment forth, you are a Grey Warden."

He handed the chalice to me. I was shaking from what I had just witnessed. I did not want to end up like Jory or Daveth and knowing I had no choice. I swallowed my fear and drank from the chalice. It smelled so rank and tasted bone chillingly cold, metallic and repulsive. There was some blood that ran down my lips to my chin.

Suddenly, there was a horrible burning pain like my skin was being ripped off. My head felt like it was going to split. I grit my teeth and clapped a hand to my forehead...then I saw it...a horrifying black dragon, snarling with white eyes like it was blind. I heard screaming somewhere, but I wasn't sure where it was coming from...the pain was so incredible, maybe just as bad as _vallaslin_.

I woke on the floor, blinking my eyes to see Alistair, full of concern and Duncan staring down at me.

"It is finished," Duncan said. "Welcome, Sister Lillianth."

"Two more deaths," Alistair commented. He looked down, sad. "In _my_ Joining, only one of us died. It was...horrible." He shuddered. "I'm glad at least one of you made it through." He sounded relieved.

"How do you feel?" asked Duncan.

"The pain...was unbelievable," I said. "But, it's over now."

"Did you have dreams?" asked Alistair. "I had terrible dreams after my Joining."

"Such dreams come when you begin to sense the darkspawn," Duncan continued. "That and many other things can be explained all in good time. Take some time, Lillianth. When you're ready, I'd like you to accompany me to a meeting with the king. He is discussing strategy about the upcoming battle. It is down the stairs and to the west."

"Very well," I said.

I joined Duncan and the King. Among Duncan and King Cailan, there was a hard-faced man with black hair. His nose was very prominent, yet crooked. He had mean grey eyes...kind of shifty and suspicious. This was Teyrn Loghain. The King and he were arguing. Again, I decided to mind my business and not listen to these men argue amongst themselves about the upcoming battle. I was still trying to wrap my mind around what just happened at the Joining. It was horrifying to see two of those men fall: one by drinking darkspawn blood and the other by Duncan's hand.

"Duncan, are your men ready for battle?" asked the King.

"They are," he said.

"And this is the recruit I met earlier on the road? I understand congratulations are in order."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," I replied.

There was much talk of what the battle plans against the battle tonight. The beacon would be lit in the Tower of Ishal, summoning Loghain's army. Loghain insisted upon it. The King decided that Alistair and I light the beacon.

"You won't need us on the battlefield?" I asked. "Are you sure?"

"This is what must be done," said Loghain.

For some reason, I really didn't like this man. He seemed a bit suspicious to me. He gave off an air of deception and...was it perhaps, power hungry?

* * *

_**Excerpt from Alistair's Journal**_

I do remember my own Joining of the Grey Wardens. One died in the process. I would hate to see anyone die. Poor Jory and Daveth! Daveth succumbing to the drinking of the darkspawn blood and Jory, his cowardice getting the best of him, was killed by Duncan.

Lillianth watched, horrified beyond belief, clapping a hand to her mouth. Duncan told her what her purpose was for being in the Grey Wardens. She looked a little scared, but she obeyed nonetheless and drank from the Joining chalice. When she finished, her lips were red and some blood dribbled down her chin, reminding me of a vampire.

Soon, she clapped a hand to her head and convulsed and her eyes rolled back. Then she let out a piercing, blood-curdling scream that made the hairs on my neck stand. Her screams reminded me of the time I attended my first Harrowing when I was becoming a templar: a girl had a demon put inside her to see if she could resist. The templars had to end it quickly. Lillianth fainted on the stone floor, her red hair spread out on the stone floor, looking like a victim who had fallen from a great height.

I was worried that we would lose another Grey Warden. I had only just met Lillianth and I must confess that I have grown to like her. I enjoyed fighting the darkspawn with her in the Wilds. She fought like a warrior, aggressive like a wasp, yet graceful like a butterfly: firing her arrows rapidly, stealthily scouting ahead of us and backstabbing darkspawn with deadly blows.

I knelt to check her, but Duncan stopped me.

"Just wait," he said. "Give her time."

_Come on! _I prayed to the Maker, rubbing my worry token on my thumb. _Let her live, Maker! Let her live! __Andraste, have mercy on this woman!_

Suddenly, she blinked her eyes, looking around, staring right at me and Duncan. I was so relieved when she awoke. She sure was strong to endure the Joining, just as I expected. She rubbed her head and said she was relieved it was over. I offered her my hand and helped her to her feet, feeling her calloused hand and her thin wrist.

I was so glad the Maker answered my prayers to save her from her fate. She joined Duncan to attend the meeting with the King. I was glad I didn't have to. I got to say, I didn't really care too much for Cailan. As much as I respected him as king, he kind of was arrogant and always talking about glory of being in the battlefield with the Grey Wardens, like he was going to survive...and defeat the Blight! Right...I would like to prove him wrong.


	7. Battle of Ostegar

Chapter Six

_Battle of Ostegar_

_**Lillianth's Journal**_

Once this boring meeting about the battle was over, I followed Duncan, meeting up with Alistair. I was ready for battle, though a little scared. I had never been in one; most enemies I had fought off were wolves or driving away _shemlans_ from our camps.

"You heard the plan," Duncan began. "Lillianth, you and Alistair will go to the Tower of Ishal and light the beacon."

"What? I won't be fighting in battle?" Alistair exclaimed in a childish voice.

"This is by the king's personal request, Alistair," Duncan said. "If that beacon is not lit, Teryn Loghain's men will not know when to charge."

"So he needs two Grey Wardens standing up there holding the torch. Just in case, right?" Alistair said.

"I agree," I said. "We should be fighting in battle."

"That is _not_ your choice," said Duncan, sternly. "If King Cailan wishes for the beacon to be lit by Grey Wardens, then it must be done. We must do whatever it takes to destroy the darkspawn...exciting or no."

"I get it, I get it," Alistair said. Then he whispered to me, "Just so you know, if the king ever asks me to put on a dress and dance the Remigold, I'm drawing the line. Darkspawn or no."

I smiled, amused. "You certainly have strange ideas about the king, Alistair. But I think I'd like to see that."

"For you, maybe. But it has to be a pretty dress," Alistair laughed. "I will say that I look pretty good in one too."

Duncan rolled his eyes and sighed. He told us where the tower was: on the other side of the gorge when we first arrived at Ostegar. It shouldn't be too hard to find.

"We will signal you when the time is right," he said. "Alistair will know what to look for. Once I leave, you have less than an hour to light the beacon. I want you two to stay with the teyrn's men and guard the tower. If you are needed, we will send word. The battle is about to begin. I must be joining the others. From here, you're on your own. You're both Grey Wardens and I expect you to be worthy of those titles."

"Duncan...may the Maker over you," said Alistair.

"May He watch over us all," he replied.

"May Mythal protect you, Duncan," I said; I know we had different views, but why not? He saved my life. It was the least I could say to him.

He smiled gently. "Thank you, Lillianth."

"Let's get to the Tower of Ishal," Alistair said. "The sooner the better."

"Mythal, goddess of protection," I whispered. "Watch over Alistair and I. Watch over Duncan. Watch over the Grey Wardens and all who fight."

We took off towards the great bridge. I heard the thunder in the sky and soon, rain began to pour down. While we ran across the bridge, it stung my face like a thousand tiny cold needles stabbing my face. We watched as the epic battle commenced below the gorge: there was an army of Grey Wardens as far as the eye can see. In the distance, I could see red and yellow lights coming from the trees. This had to be the darkspawn horde. I could sense a stirring in my blood...something I had never felt before. I heard battle cries from below. Thousands of fiery arrows sailed through the air, descending like rain upon the darkspawn, knocking them down. Mabari's were released and they charged towards the horde, barking and snarling. I wondered if the Mabari I saved earlier was fighting in the battle as well.

Amist the chaos of the battle, archers firing ballistas and arrows from smaller bows. Fiery balls came hurling through the air, striking the bridge and towers, making the ground shake. I was knocked off my feet. Alistair ran to my side, looking concerned.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Fine," I said.

He helped me up, which was rather sweet...but never mind that! We had a task to complete. Once we reached the other side, a knight and a mage came running out, breathless and terrified.

"You-you're Grey Wardens, aren't you? They've taken the Tower!" said the knight, panting.

"What do you mean?" Alistair said, incredulously. "Taken how?"

"Darkspawn. They...came up from the lower chambers!"

"Then we have to get there and light it ourselves," Alistair said.

While we fought some darkspawn, climbing each floor and dispatching them. We found a huge hole in the floor of the Tower.

"Maker's Breath!" Alistair exclaimed, looking at the hole. "What are these darkspawn doing ahead of the rest of the horde? There weren't supposed to be any resistance here!"

"There's no point in complaining about it, Alistair," I said, firmly. "We have fighting to do!"

"Good point," he agreed. "Need to stay focused. Kill first and ask questions later. We need to hurry and light the beacon. Teyrn Loghain will be waiting for the signal."

En route to the beacon, I noticed a few traps and ran ahead to disarm them. Suddenly, I saw Alistair bolt after a genlock and tripped on a tripwire just before I had a chance to disarm it. There was an explosion and metal shards flew all over the place; I ducked and covered. Soon I heard a cry of pain and saw Alistair, lying on the floor, clutching his side. I ran over to examine him and saw there was a shard in his ribs.

"Sonofabitch!" Alistair cried, clutching his wound.

"What happened?" asked the mage, horrified.

"Shit!" I said, examining the shard. "He set off an enchanted armor-piercing shrapnel trap."

I used Dar'Misu, cutting the belts of his chest plate, lifting it carefully and his blood-soaked chain mail shirt so I could look at the shard: it was lodged upward between his right fifth rib. I knew that this could prove fatal if I didn't work quickly.

"I can get the shard out, but it won't be easy," I told him. "But, you need to stay very still."

"But..." he began to protest. I know we had to get the beacon lit, but now was not the time to argue.

"No buts, Alistair," I said, sharply. "The longer this shard stays in, the sooner you will die." I turned to the soldier. "Keep watch while I tend to Alistair."

"Yes, milady."

I reached into my pack and grabbed my injury kit, which contained a vial of wine, needle and thread, healing salve and bandages. I grabbed a cloth and wrapped it around my other Dar'Misu.

"Bite on this should you need to cry out," I told him. "We can't draw any attention." He obeyed and bit down. "Flame spell," I told the mage, which he gladly drew up. I touched the tip of Dar'Misu into the flame to sterilize it. Biting the cork and pulling it with my teeth, I poured the wine onto Alistair's wound, which he cried out in muffled pain. His head thrown back, his muscles contracted hard and tears sprung from his eyes.

"Don't move!" I scolded. "This is a very delicate process. The shard will sink deeper if you do and it could kill you. Now, this is going to hurt a lot. I need you to stay _very_ still. Understand?"

Alistair nodded.

Using Dar'Misu, I inserted it slowly and he cried out again, moving the flesh up so I could find the tip of the shard. Reaching in with my finger, I slowly lifted it out along with Dar'Misu. Once it was out, blood gushed from the wound.

In a slight panic and cursing in Elven, I inserted my fingers into the wound to plug it. Alistair grunted painfully. My hand became wet and slippery from the gushing blood; I felt the hard bones of his ribs and pulsing just near my fingertip. I realized that I was touching his heart. I was so shocked at how far the shard had penetrated his flesh. The shard was only inches away from his heart and it could've killed him!

"Thread the needle for me, please," I said to the mage.

Once it was done, I slowly removed my fingers, using a cloth to hold the bleeding and began to sew up Alistair's wound. He grimaced with each needle prick as it pierced his flesh. Hopefully that would keep the wound closed for now. Though I had faith in Elven thread, which was very strong, I still worried about him.

"Consider yourself lucky," I said. "That shard almost pierced your heart."

"Well, it'll be a battle scar I'll be proud to have," he admitted, painfully. "You could've let me die. I would've been proud to have died with the Grey Wardens."

"Don't talk like that!" I scolded, angrily, resisting the urge to slap him. "I just became a Grey Warden. Who else is going to teach me to be one if you're dead?"

Another grimace as the needle went through. "True."

Removing some healing salve from my pouch, I gently spread it on the wound and then bandaged it. He winced a little. His face was pale and covered in sweat. He looked grateful.

"Are you OK to walk?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "Much better now that you removed that shard. I guess I'll have to watch where I'm walking from now on."

We went up the steps to the tower and to light the beacon. I wrapped his arm around my neck to help him walk up the stairs. He was so heavy with his splint mail on, but I wouldn't leave a fallen Grey Warden behind. Though we had just met, Alistair was the only friend I had. All my friends from the clan were long gone and I probably wouldn't see them again. I had lost Tamlen from my failure and now here was Alistair. I was not going to lose him too. I don't think my heart could take any more grief than it already has.

"Thanks," he said.

"You're welcome."

The ground shook and there, only a few feet from us was a giant, ugly looking monster: it stood about ten feet tall, had blue-grey skin, and had large horns. I could hear bones crunching coming from this monster. It was an ogre. He was eating the corpse of a Grey Warden. It heard us and turned it's ugly face towards us and let out a loud roar, spit spraying all over the place; its sharp teeth reminded me of thin knives. Flesh and muscle hung from the corner of the orge's mouth. It's breath was foul.

Alistair was about to draw his sword...

"NO!" I said, stopping him. "You're wounded. You will rip open the stitches if you fight. I want you to light the beacon. I'll distract it."

"As you command, milady," he said. I didn't know if he was joking or not, but it mattered not.

I distracted the ogre. First, I threw a handful of dirt in the ogre's face, which it roared painfully, clawing its eyes. I stabbed at its weak points to weaken it, dodging it's ugly, massive claws and hands waving frantically. Once it began stumbling, enfeebled by my deadly blows, I leaped in the air towards it and pointed Dar'Misu blades towards its throat, driving them deep. It let out a terrible roar of pain and collapsed, making the ground shake. Then, I stabbed hard into the ogres's eyes, hearing bones crack and blood and brains squish, killing it. The blood sprayed my face; it was disgusting. It didn't just get in my eyes, but my mouth as well. Hopping off its chest, I spit a little, trying to get rid of the metallic, foul taste out of my mouth. I was shaking from the whole ordeal and exhausted from fighting this monster. I had never fought a beast like this before; it was such a rush!

I went to check on the beacon where Alistair was standing. He stood there, his mouth agape in a wide O like fish in bewilderment.

"You got a little..." he joked, gesturing to his face.

"I know," I said, smiling. I was about to wipe off the mess off my face with my hand...

"Here," he said. "Allow me."

He held a handkerchief and wiped the blood off my face. I closed my eyes, feeling the soft cloth caress my face and his warm hand through the flimsy cloth. He was so gentle; I felt his finger brush my cheek, which warmed me inside. It was such an intimate moment: a human man touching my face!

"Much better," he said with a tiny smile. "A little less gory."

It was my turn to blush. "Thank you," I whispered, moving the annoying braid away from my face.

"You're welcome," he said, softly.

We stared at each other for a moment...feeling something...I don't know how to describe it. Whatever it was, it made me feel warm and feverish. He sucked in his lips and cleared his throat, a little shy.

"Well, we should guard the tower," he said, rubbing his neck uncomfortably. "Wait until someone signals us to the battlefield."

I nodded. We watched the battle going on down below. It was epic beyond belief as the Grey Wardens fought bravely. I looked in the direction where Teyrn Loghain's army was waiting for the signal. Soon, they turned away and started retreating.

"WHA-?" Alistair gasped. "What are they doing?! They're supposed to be helping the king!"

I _knew _it! I knew that man couldn't be trusted! And here was the proof! He abandoned us to our fate. We watched as Duncan and Cailan fought the darkspawn, bravely yet outnumbered and overwhelmed. Then, a monstrous ogre picked up King Cailen and then crushed him in its monstrous hand, then flung him like a rag doll. Duncan, wounded, clutching his side, ran furiously and stabbed the beast in the chest, climbing up it with only his blades, ignoring its painful roars. He stabbed it in the eyes, bringing it down. Hope was lost as he looked up at the Tower and then a darkspawn leader rushed towards him, bringing an axe...I couldn't believe it! I wasn't sure if I was seeing things...Duncan's neck spurted blood and his head flew across the battlefield, then skittered across the ground, disappearing from view.

Poor Duncan! I could only imagine how Alistair felt, seeing the man he admired die. Alistair was white as snow and looked sick. I didn't know what to do, how to comfort my fellow Grey Warden for such a terrible loss.

There were no words to express what I had witnessed: rage, shock, horror...is this what it was like to be a Grey Warden? Seeing nothing but death and battle all around?

Soon, more darkspawn surprised us. They shot arrows at us. I saw in horror that arrows pierced my body. I winced in terrible pain, unable to scream...then, I succumbed to my wounds...oh! the PAIN! Everything went black...

* * *

_**Excerpt from Alistair's Journal**_

I couldn't believe how stupid I was! How could I not seen that trap?! I swear I can be such an idiot. Lillianth looked pissed that I had triggered a trap just before she had time to disarm it.

All I could see was a genlock running away and I chased after him, knowing he would alert others. I tripped on something, followed by a loud explosion and pain blossomed from my ribs. I cried out and laid on the floor. Lillianth ran to me, cutting off my chest plate. She worked quickly with nimble fingers, slowly moving my armor plate and lifting my chain mail shirt up which was soaked with blood.

She assured me she could get the shard out, but I had to stay very still. I was about to protest about lighting the beacon since we had little time, but she silenced me sternly.

Turning to the mage, she asked for a flame spell and dipped the tip of her dagger into the flame. I was a little scared of what she might do. She gave me a wrapped dagger to bite on for the pain. Reached into her leather pouch on her belt and pulled out an injury kit. She poured a tiny vial of dark red liquid over my wound, which brought an intense pain, making me cry out and bringing tears to my eyes.

I watched in horror as she inserted the tip of her dagger into my flesh just next to the shard. There was nothing but excruciating pain, which made me cry out, the clothed dagger muting my screams of agony. I prayed to the Maker to just end my pain, tears springing from my eyes. Once it was out, she cursed in Elven and saw I was bleeding profusely. With a swift move, she inserted two fingers into my wound to keep it closed. Ugh! It felt just as uncomfortable as when she inserted her dagger, but gentle. The wound was pretty deep, seeing that it reached her knuckles and her hand was drenched in blood.

I would've gladly died with my fellow Grey Wardens. Yet, Lillianth was keeping me alive, plugging my wound with her fingers and I could've sworn I felt her fingertip touching my heart. She was an angel sent by the Maker, blessed with Andraste's beauty and kindness...Maker forgive me for my blasphemy!

Soon, she tended my wound. She slowly removed her fingers, replacing it with a bandage and began to stitch it up; I felt the needle bite and tug from the thread. Lillianth's fingers stained with blood.

"Consider yourself lucky," she said. "That shard almost pierced your heart."

I would be proud to have a battle scar from this event. When I told her that I would've been happy to have died with my fellow Grey Wardens, she scolded me for talking like that. She was right. Here she was a new Grey Warden and here I was, selfishly thinking these thoughts of glory for the Grey Wardens. Who else would teach her to be a Grey Warden?

Once we reached the tower, there was a massive ogre. I was about to fight it when Lillianth stopped me, insisting that she would take it out and told me to light the beacon.

Though I was injured, I suppose she was right. She distracted the ogre away from me while I sneaked past it to light the beacon while she fought it. She threw some kind of dust in its eyes and stabbed at vulnerable parts of the ogre with deadly strikes. Once it began to stumble, she went airborne with a leap, her coppery hair flying and her teeth grit with fierceness. Pointing her two daggers, she drove the blades right into ogre's throat. There was a brief spurt of blood and the ogre's angry roar. It collapsed making the whole tower shake. Then, stabbed it in the eyes, blood painting her face crimson. Then, she took a graceful hop off its chest as it lay dead at her feet, panting and shaking.

Wow! I couldn't believe it! A tiny Dalish woman took down a mountain-size ogre all on her own. She made me proud. When I jokingly pointed out the gore on her face, she nodded with an embarrassed smile. She was so lovely, despite the blood spatter. I wiped her face with my handkerchief, feeling the soft contours of her face, her eyes closed. The braid in her face brushed against my hand and my finger against her cheek, which was so smooth. She looked much better now that the gory mess was gone...even prettier. She thanked me quietly, looking up at me with those beautiful eyes.

I felt feverish, staring at this beautiful Grey Warden in front of me. She moved the braid aside from her face. I cleared my throat and bit my lips, a little embarrassed that I had such an intimate moment.

We decided to wait for the signal to be called to battle. I was anxious to battle darkspawn since I had been kept out of all the battle so far by Duncan. Aside from that, I was looking forward to doing so with Lillianth since we worked so well together fighting. We watched Loghain's army down in the valley a few feet from the tower. The torches from Loghain's army started walking in the opposite direction of the battle. He was leaving!

I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Was this real?! I couldn't express my shock anymore! That traitor! The battle was nearly defeated and Loghain left! I watched as an ogre crushed King Cailen and then toss him aside. Duncan...oh! His death was horrible! A Hurlock alpha drew his axe back...off his head flew, bouncing among the corpses of the fallen...disappearing.

I felt sick. I wanted to throw up right there for what I just saw. Duncan and the King dead, left by that traitor Loghain to die. If I were down in that battlefield...I could've saved him! Why?! WHY did Duncan make me go to the Tower?! Lillianth looked over at me, concerned, just as horrified as I for what we just saw.

Suddenly, a horde of darkspawn surprised us and shot arrows at us. I leaped out of the way, but I felt some pain...I hoped it wasn't my wound...I saw Lillianth collapse with a bunch of arrows piercing her body, crying out in pain. I saw a few...flesh wounds...

Before I could crawl to Lillianth, a giant bird came out of the sky and picked us up...flying away. I felt its giant wings beating down as they flapped. I was still in pain from the arrows...and passed out...


	8. Present Day-1

_Present Day-Two Years After the Blight_

**_Lillianth's Journal_**

_I carried Alistair all_ _the way to the cottage in the woods, his arm slung over my shoulder. Though he had broken my heart a long time ago, I was not going to let a fellow Grey Warden or friend die in the street like a dog. He began to sing, drunkenly right in my ear, which pained me to listen. The same one he sung at the tavern. His head lolled like a rag doll and he staggered most of the way.  
_

_Once I got home, I laid him on the bed. I went to fetch rags and warmed the water on the fireplace. Wynne, who had grown old and decided to retire from questing, and Leliana were awakened by Alistair's drunken singing.  
_

"_What's going on here?" Wynne asked, concerned. _

"_It's Alistair," I said. "I found him at the Hanging Man tavern. He's hurt very badly."_

_I showed them to where he lay. Wynne clapped a hand to her mouth in horror and Leliana's eyes grew wide as as they saw this poor, beaten man._

_"__**This**__ is Alistair?! Are you sure?" Leliana said, shocked._

"_I'm sure," I said. "I could see it in his eyes. And he's wearing my mother's medallion."_

"_Maker's breath, what happened to him?" gasped Wynne. "The last I heard he had married Anora and was king of Felderan. But how is it he's been reduced to this?"_

"_I don't know," I said. "He was beaten by three men. They pissed and spit on him as well."  
_

"_For Andraste's sake! Have people no shame?" Leliana said, staring at him full of pity. "Poor Alistair! He looks so dispirited, Lillianth."_

_"__Can you heal him, Wynne?" I asked. "His wounds might be pretty critical." _

"_Of course," she assured. Wynne sat next to him and healed him; I watched as his fresh cuts began to slowly heal themselves. _

"_He's intoxicated," she said. "And it's pretty bad. I can try to draw it out, but my magic is limited...with age and all. It's best that he goes through the purge."_

"_Purge?"_

"_I've seen this many times when I've healed drunken Grey Wardens," Wynne said, concerned. "Although, his condition is more severe. He must have gone through a long period of alcohol abuse. It's not going to be easy. When he goes through the purge, it's the complete withdrawal from alcohol. He may become delirious, feverish and chilled, he may say or do things that he's not aware of. You will need to stay with him until the purge is complete."_

"_How long will that take?"_

"_Probably a couple of days. You need to take care of him while he goes through this."_

"_I don't think..." I stammered, not comfortable._

"_Lilli, this isn't the time to be questioning," Wynne said seriously. "Alistair could die from the purge. You __**must**__ stay with him."_

_I sighed, knowing I was going to have to stay with my former lover until the purge was over. Wynne and Leliana left to get some herbs and clothes for Alistair. _

_I went to get the warm water and the rags, pouring it into a basin with the rags to soak. I sat by the bed and wiped the dried blood, piss, spit and filth off his face. I looked into him, feeling tears seeping from my eyes. To think this pitiful creature was the man I once loved. The man who broke my heart. I hardly recognized him. I closed my eyes and a tear fell on his cheek. I washed and cut his hair and shaved him. Stripping off his filthy clothes, I bathed him, both embarrassed and admired his naked body. _

_He looked much better once he was cleaned. Like the man I once fell in love with...so long ago..._


	9. Lothering

Chapter Seven

_Lothering  
_

_**Lillianth's Journal**_

Soon, I woke up in a house. I was embarrassed to find that I was in nothing but my undergarments.

"Ah, your eyes finally open. Mother shall be pleased," said a voice. It was Morrigan, the mage we had met.

"Err...yes," I said, hiding my nakedness with the sheet. "Where am I?"

"We are in the Wilds. I have bandaged your wounds. You're welcome, by the way. How does your memory fare? Do you remember Mother's rescue?"

"Just being overwhelmed by darkspawn..." I paused. "Wait, rescued me? You mean from the tower?"

"Yes. Mother managed to rescue you and your friend. The man who was supposed to respond to your signal abandoned the field. The darkspawn won your battle, leaving everyone for dead. Your friend is not taking it well," Morrigan ended.

Of course he wouldn't be taking it well! I saw what happened.

"Alistair? How is he?" I was worried ever since I removed the shard.

"The suspicious dim-witted templar? He is fine as you are. I saw the wound on his rib. It was sewn pretty well. I'm guessing you did that. Quite impressive. He has visited you a couple times while you were asleep, worried about you. He seemed...taken by you." I wondered what she meant by that, but shrugged it off. "Anyway, Mother asked to see you when you awoke. Don't ask why she didn't say."

"So, how did she rescue us, exactly?"

"She turned into a giant bird and plucked the two of you, one in each talons."

"Oh. Well, thank you, Morrigan," I said, grateful.

"I—oh, you're welcome, though Mother did most of the work. I am no healer." By the way it sounded, I guess she wasn't used to people being kind to her.

I went outside to meet with Alistair, who was looking out at the pond.

"See, here is your fellow Grey Warden. You worried too much, young man," said Morrigan's mother, gesturing to me.

He looked relieved to see me alive. I could see worry indents in his forehead. "You...you're alive! I though you were dead for sure." There was a tone of overjoy and relief.

"It takes more than a few darkspawn to kill me," I said. "Thank you for your concern, Alistair."

"Duncan's dead," he said, his voice breaking. "The Grey Wardens...even the king. They're all dead. This doesn't seem real. If it weren't for Morrigan's mother, we...would be too..." There were tears in his eyes.

"Don't talk to me as if I'm not present," barked Morrigan's mother, insulted.

"I didn't mean..." he stammered. "Well, you never told us your name."

"Names are pretty, but useless. The Chasind folk call me Flemeth."

"_The_ Flemeth? From the legends?" Alistair said, incredulously. "Daveth was right. You're the Witch of the Wilds!"

Hahren Paivel told me stories about Flemeth. According to the Dalish, Flemeth was called _asha'bellanar_, woman of many years: a very powerful and old Witch of the Wilds, terrible in her temper and wild in her beauty. Yet, this Flemeth seemed to be a nutty old bat to me.

"And what does that mean?" She looked insulted. "I know a bit of magic, and it has served you both well, has it not?"

"So, why did you save us, Flemeth?" I asked.

"Well, we cannot have all the Grey Wardens dying all at once. Someone has to deal with these darkspawn. It has always been their duty to unite the lands against the Blight. Or did that change when I was not looking?"

"Of course not!" I said, incredulously.

Flemeth told us the true threat of the Blight was the archdemon: an Old God that was awakened and tainted by darkspawn. Aside from that, Flemeth believed that the darkspawn threat was of little significance to Loghain. Alistair was shaking with fury and disbelief.

"I cannot believe this!" Alistair said, outraged. "The King nearly won the battle! It was almost over! Arl Eamon will not stand for Loghain's betrayal."

"I don't understand," I said. "Why would Loghain betray the king?"

"For the throne," Alistair said. "He's the queen's father."

"Perhaps we should go Arl Eamon. But, do you think he will listen to us, Alistair?"

"Yes, I suppose. But he wasn't at Ostagar. I know he's a good man, well respected in the Landsmeet. And he was Cailen's uncle. He would personally see to it for Loghain's betrayal. We could go to Redcliffe and appeal to him for help. Yet, we won't have enough to defeat this Blight."

"Surely there are other allies we could call upon, Alistair."

"Of course! The treaties!" he said, lighting up. "We can call upon aid from dwarves, elves, mages and others! They're obligated to help the Grey Wardens during a Blight!" He was getting very excited. I was sure he was going to wet himself.

"I may be old..." laughed Flemeth. "But dwarves, elves, this Arl Eamon, and who knows who else. It sounds like you're building an army to me. But if that is what your plan is, then very well. Are you ready to be Grey Wardens?"

"Yes. Thank you for everything, Flemeth," I said.

"No, no," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "Thank YOU. Now before you go, there is one thing I can offer."

One could wonder what Flemeth had for us in return for saving us from Ostegar.

"The stew is bubbling..." Morrigan said, bored. "Shall we have two guests for the evening...or none?"

"You will be going with the Grey Wardens," said Flemeth.

"Such a...what?" Morrigan said, shocked.

"You have been itching to get out of the Wilds for years. Here's your chance. As for you, Wardens, consider this repayment for your lives."

"Not to look a gift horse in the mouth..." said Alistair, a little hesitant. "But...won't this add to our problems. Out of the Wilds, she's an apostate." There was that templar side of him coming out. Were we really going to refuse help? Yet, who would show us out of the Wilds? It was certainly dangerous.

"If you do not wish help from us illegal mages, young man," said Flemeth. "Then, perhaps I should've left you on that tower."

"Point...taken..." said Alistair, very uncomfortable between grit teeth.

"Mother," Morrigan protested. "This is not how I wanted this...I'm not even ready."

"You must be ready. Alone, these two must unite Ferelden against the darkspawn. They need you, Morrigan. Without you, they will fail and all will perish under the Blight."

"I...understand," Morrigan said, defeated.

"And you, Wardens? Do you understand? I give you that which I value above all in this world. I do this because you MUST succeed."

The both of us nodded.

"Allow me to get my things, if you please." She went back inside the hut, then returned. "I am at your disposal, Grey Wardens. I suggest a village north of the Wilds. 'Tisn't far...Or if you prefer, I will simply be your silent guide. The choice is yours."

"I have no problem...if Alistair doesn't," I said, sensing there was going to be tension between them.

"From the way he glares, I guess he does," she replied, her golden eyes slitted.

"I just..." said Alistair, unsure. "Do you _really_ want to take her along because her mother says so?"

"Alistair, we need all the help we can get," I insisted.

"I guess you're right," he sighed, resigned with a childish whine. "The Grey Wardens always take allies along the way, where they can find them."

"I'm pleased to have your approval," Morrigan said, sarcastically. She bade Flemeth farewell, who snapped a sarcastic remark that she would sooner return to a hut consumed by the darkspawn. Morrigan seemed a little bothered, but shook it off like it was nothing.

We headed north with Morrigan, leading the way out of the Wilds towards Lothering. Once we reached the road, there was a faint barking in the distance. A dog came running towards us. He barked, then turned towards the road and growled. A group of darkspawn that appeared; the leader made a slit throat gesture and they attacked. We fought them off, Alistair smashing them with his shield and driving his longsword into them. I seeked out their weakest points in their armor, stabbing them in the back. Morrigan cast spells to freeze them so it made it easier to take them down.

Once we defeated the darkspawn, I pet the Mabari hound, who sat happily and panted, wagging his stubby tail.

"I think this is the Mabari I helped cure back at Ostagar," I said. Yes! I recognized him.

"I think he was out there looking for you," said Alistair. "He's chosen you. It's called imprinting. Mabari are like that."

"Does this mean we're going to have this mangy beast following us around?" huffed Morrigan, rolling her eyes.

"He's not mangy," said Alistair, talking baby-talk.

I always wanted a dog. Perhaps this was meant to be since I had saved him. I named him Orion, which he barked happily upon hearing his new name. I stroked his head.

While we continued to walk, I looked at Alistair. He was so quiet, staring down at his feet mostly. I understood he was grieving for his loss. I know I didn't want to talk about Tamlen when he disappeared. It still wounded my heart to even think it.

"Alistair, are you alright?" I asked.

"Hmm?" his eyes were wet. "Y...no..." He brushed away beginnings of tears, trying to hide them.

"Do you want to talk about Duncan?"

"You don't have to do that, Lillianth," he said, dismissively. "I know you didn't know him longer than I did."

"I know. But, he was like a father to you. I mourn his loss as well."

"I...I should've handled it better," he said, his voice shaking. "He warned me that this could happen from the beginning. That any of us could die in battle...I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Alistair."

"When this is all over, I'd like to give him a proper funeral. I don't think he had any family."

"Well, he had you, Alistair," I said with a shrug.

He smiled a little. "I suppose so. I think he came from Highever. I'd like to go there and do something in his honor. The Dalish don't practice cremation. What do you do, Lillianth?"

"We bury our dead and plant a tree over their remains," I said.

"That sounds beautiful, Lillianth," he smiled. "Life springing from death. I think he would appreciate that."

"Perhaps I will come with you to Highever." I might as well pay my respects to Duncan since he saved me.

"I'd like that." He smiled appreciatively.

"Are you two grieving widows done?" Morrigan interrupted, rolling her eyes. "Let's get moving."

Only a few miles from Lothering and I was starting to hate Morrigan already. Here was a man grieving for someone who he truly cared about, and already she was being rude. Bitch!

Upon arriving at Lothering, it was flooding with people, poor mostly and templars. I could see the town was in disarray and panic: people were packing things in a hurry since there was no doubt that the darkspawn were coming while the templars were attempting to calm everyone.

"Well, there it is," Alistair commented. "Lothering: pretty as a painting."

"Ah!" Morrigan began. "So you have finally began to rejoin us? Falling on your blade in grief is too much trouble I take it?"

"Is my being upset being so hard? How would you feel if you lost your mother?" he snapped, angrily.

"_Before_ or _after _I stopped laughing?" said Morrigan, sarcastically.

"_Right_. Very creepy. Forget I asked," he said.

I was getting pissed by their constant bickering. They had been arguing the whole damn way, fueling my rage.

"STOP IT,_ BOTH_ OF YOU!" I shouted, furious. "Creators' breath! You two are acting like children fighting over toys! We may have our differences, but arguing is not going to stop the Blight any faster."

Alistair looked very scared. Morrigan looked like she was ready to say something smart; so help me Creators if she did, I would punch her in the face. I don't care if she was a woman or if her mother saved us.

"I suppose you're right, Lillianth," said Alistair. "So, the treaties are for the Dalish, the Dwarves and the Magi. I still think that Arl Eamon is our best bet for help. We might want to go to him first."

"Where can we find this Arl Eamon?" I asked.

"He's located in Redcliffe," Alistair said. "That's to the west of here. The Dwarves are found in the Frostback Mountains and the Magi are at the Circle Tower at Lake Calenhad. What about your clan, Lillianth? Do you think they would help us?"

"My clan has fled to the north by now. Yet, I'm sure we can find another Dalish camp in the Brecilian Forest. They usually settle there, but they don't stay too long. My advice is to let me do the talking. They don't trust outsiders, especially humans."

"Very well, Lillianth," Alistair said. "Lead the way."

"Why do you want me to lead?" I asked, surprised. "Aren't you the senior Grey Warden?"

"Well, I don't know what the plan is or where we're going. I trust you well enough to lead the way."

"First, let's hear any news and rumors while we're here. I'm not sure if we should make ourselves known as Grey Wardens. Also, we should repair our equipment and weapons."

We looked into our pockets to find we didn't have enough money for ourselves. Our equipment needed repair and our supplies were replenished. I thought it would be best to earn money by doing some tasks for the citizens and selling things we didn't need.

"So, we've come to solve every problem in the village, personally," Morrigan said with eloquent irony. "My, my! The darkspawn will be impressed."

"Well, if you don't want to help out, Morrigan," I spat. "Just go stand in a corner and pout for all I care! If you have other ideas of how to earn money, by all means do so. Otherwise, shut your sodding gob!"

Once we had enough money, we repaired our equipment. While I went to the smith to have my Dar'Misu repaired, I reached into my pack and felt the shard that I had removed from Alistair's rib. It was wrapped in a cloth, covered in dried blood. It was still sharp. I thought about disposing of it, but I couldn't stop thinking about the whole ordeal. I asked to the smith to flatten the shard's tip, which he gladly did. I used some acid to burn a hole through it. I painted the symbol of Mythal, the Protector and All-Mother of the Creators, threading a few beads on a leather string. It was too small to be a bracelet, but it would be a good luck charm.

We gathered an ally along the way: a qunari warrior named Sten who was imprisoned by the Chantry for murder, which he admitted to it. He said he was going to be left here in Lothering to die as atonement for his crime. Though he was strange, I had to admit I felt pity for him. Nobody should be left to die to the fate of the darkspawn.

"There are other ways to make atonement," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

When I told him about the upcoming Blight, he seemed interested in helping, impressed that I was a Grey Warden even though his face bore no expression. Making sure there were no templars watching, I picked the lock of his cage and released him. He thanked me, saying he would meet me outside of Lothering, knowing nobody would like it if anybody found out he was released.

Soon, we decided to grab a drink in the tavern, Dane's Refuge. Before entering, a refugee called me aside. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you."

"Why not?" I asked.

"There's soldiers in there...looking for someone...well, fitting your description. You didn't hear it from me though." He took off running.

Once we went inside, there were the soldiers the refugee told me about. They approached us.

"We've been blessed!" said the leader. "Weren't we just asking around about an Elf by this description? Seems like we've been lied to."

"Uh oh!" Alistair whispered. "Loghain's men. This can't be good."

"Please, gentlemen," said a soft, soothing voice that sounded Orlesian. A Chantry sister stepped forward. She had blue eyes and red hair cut into a prim style with a small braid. Her lips were pouty. She carried a dagger on her back. "Surely there's no need for trouble. These are simply poor souls seeking refuge."

"They're more than that!" shouted the leader. "Now stay out of our way, sister!"

We engaged in a duel with Loghain's soldiers with the lay sister helping out; needless to say, I was impressed by the lay sister's skills. Soon, I kicked their leader in the groin. He doubled over and cupped his bruised genitals, falling to his knees. He begged for mercy, singing soprano, his hands up in surrender, telling his men to put their swords away.

"Take a message to Loghain!" I yelled, threateningly, pointing Dar'Misu to his throat hard.

"O-of course, milady," the leader squeaked, hearing Alistair snicker. "What do you want it to say?"

"You tell him we know what he did and he's going to pay! Now get out of here! I never want to see you again. If you dare show your face, I'll personally remove something you will miss very dearly."

"Y-yes, milady." The soldiers ran off, terrified with their tails between their legs.

I turned to the lay sister that helped us drive away Loghain's men. She certainly was a good fighter, I must say.

"Thank you, sister...erm...," I said.

"You're welcome. And it's Leliana. Welcome to Lothering."

"Sister Leliana!" said a Chantry sister. "We need you here!"

"Excuse me. I need to tend to these poor souls." She swished back to the refugees.

Soon, the three of us sat at the bar and ordered a round of drinks; Morrigan sat as far away from us as possible. I looked at Alistair who was staring into his ale, still grieving over Duncan. Maybe if we talked, he might cheer up a bit.

"So how do you know this Arl Eamon?" I asked, curiously.

"He raised me...well, I mean that the dogs raised me," he laughed. "Giant, slobbering dogs from the Anderfels. A whole pack of them, in fact."

"Well, that would explain the smell," I sniggered.

"Well, it wasn't until I was eight that I discovered you didn't lick yourself clean. Old habits die hard, you know."

I laughed. "Not to mention your breath as well!"

"And my table manners! Though come to think of it, they weren't any different from the other templars. Or did I dream all of that? Funny, the dreams you have when you sleep on the cold hard ground, isn't it?"

Sleeping on the ground? By the sound of it, I guess Alistair's childhood was not a very happy one.

"Well, let's see how can I tell you this, Lillianth: I'm a bastard...and before you make smart comments, I mean the fatherless kind. My mother was a serving girl at Redcliffe who died when I was very young. He was good to me, and he didn't have to be. I respected him and don't blame him for sending me off to the Chantry."

He told me about how Arl Eamon took him in and raised him like his son. Soon, he married an Orlesian woman named Isolde, who was suspicious of Alistair for being Eamon's illegitimate son that she forced him out of the arl's home, sleeping in the stables. Unable to sway her, the arl sent him off to the nearest monastery at age ten.

"I remember screaming at him at a little child...well, I was a child..." he reminisced, his hazel eyes crestfallen. "I doubt he was surprised."

I could imagine Alistair as a boy: his tousled blonde hair, dressed in tatters, huddled beneath a hay bale, shivering with the horses and the dogs; finding out he was being sent away, screaming in childish anger at Arl Eamon.

"Sounds terrible," I said, sympathetic.

"Maybe," he said with a shrug. "She felt threatened by my presence and wondered if the rumors were true though. I remember I once had this amulet with Andraste's holy symbol on it. The only thing I had of my mother's. I was so angry at Arl Eamon that I ripped it off, threw it against the wall and it shattered. Stupid, stupid thing to do." He lowered his head, full of remorse. "The arl came by the monastery a few times to see how I was, but I was stubborn. I hated it there and blamed him for everything...and eventually, he stopped coming."

Hearing him share these painful memories, I could see nothing but loneliness, hurt and rejection. There was a little boy who desperately wanted to be loved and needed. I felt sorry for him. I wished I could've been there when Alistair was a child. I would've been his friend...well, even if he was a _shem_.

"You were young," I said. "We do stupid things when we are."

"And raised by dogs. Well, I might as well have been, the way I acted. Maybe all young bastards act that way. At least I was." He sipped his ale and looked at me. "Tell me about your family, Lillianth. I'm sure you had a happy childhood."

I told him about Ashalle and my brothers along with the tragic story of my real parents. I touched my mother's pendant, feeling some bitterness. He rested his chin on his fist, listening with interest.

"Oh?" he said. "So...you're one too? Well, that makes two of us." He laughed for a moment. "I'm sorry about your parents though. It must've been hard, knowing that your mother left you."

"I suppose it was for the best," I sighed, indifferent. "I don't think my mother would've raised me well. I will always be grateful to Ashalle: she was my mother and my brothers were happy to call me their sister."

"Well, she certainly did a fine job raising you," Alistair commented. "You're a fine young lady."

I smiled. Such a kind thing to hear from a human!

"I notice you fight like a man, Lillianth," he commented. "I presume you did a lot with your brothers? Fighting I mean."

"In a way, yes," I said, smiling, reminiscing the good times. "We always did stuff together: hunting, exploring, rough tumbling and all. I still could whip them, despite them being older. Most of my clothes were hand-me-downs from them. I hardly had any girl clothes to wear, not that I minded. Boy clothes were much more comfortable. And I don't mind getting dirty in them."

He laughed. "Sounds like they were great! You must miss them."

"Yes. I do." I sighed. "About the fighting, I always getting into them...not just my brothers. There were others. I always had a problem with my anger."

"Well, seeing how that temper of yours flared up when we got here, you were certainly quite scary."

"You haven't seen me at my worst. I don't know why I have all this anger in me. I just remember most of the time I was teased by the other children. They always called me _len'alas lath'din_."

"What does that mean?"

"It means 'dirty child no one loves'...you could say it's another way to say 'bastard'. I guess they sort of knew about my parents...I don't know. They teased me so much that I couldn't stand it...eventually, that's when the anger and fighting began."

"How terrible!" he said, his eyes looked sympathetic. "Didn't you have any friends?"

"Of course. The only person who didn't make fun of me was..." Again, I played with Tamlen's bracelet. The guilt began to return. I swallowed, feeling my throat tightening.

"Your friend?"

I nodded, feeling the tears coming up again. I wiped away my tears, swallowing my guilt. I learned a lot about Ser Templar. We did have some things in common. I liked talking to Alistair. His presence gave me a calming tranquility.

Along the way, we stopped at the Chantry to find out any more news. We met Ser Donell, an acquaintance of Alistair's, who told us that Arl Eamon had fallen ill and knights sent out to search for a cure for him. Something called the Urn of Sared Ashes.

"What's the Urn of Sacred Ashes?" I asked.

"It's supposedly the final resting place of Andraste, the Prophet of the Maker," he said.

Although I had heard about Andraste and the Maker by Hahren, the Dalish did not worship them. We had our own gods to worship. I, personally, held a high regard for the Creators, but I felt that I should be respectful to other's beliefs as well.

"We must go to him right away!" Alistair said, worried.

"We'll leave immediately!" I said. "We'd better make camp first. It's getting dark. It'll be dangerous to travel...Creators' know if there's darkspawn out there."

When we were about to leave, Leliana came rushing towards us, panting, the bottom of her Chantry robes hitched up, showing her muscled legs.

"Wait!" she said, eagerly. "I want to come with you. When I saw you fighting those men at the tavern, I felt a kind of urging...something to leave my sheltered life in the cloister and do something. I had a vision...the Maker told me to join you!"

It sounded a little crazy to me. Yet I had visions during the _vallaslin_. I didn't think it would be appropriate to share them with others. But the sun on Alistair's shield appeared in my vision. I was still trying to make sense of that.

"Please!" she implored. "I can help. I can fight."

"Her plea seems so wholehearted," Alistair commented. "Even though she seems a little...strange. She does have skills. I vote we let her to come along. Besides, she's more like," then in a falsetto voice, "'ooh! Pretty colors!' than," in a deep, evil voice, "'Muahaha! I'm Princess Stabbity! Stab! Kill! Kill!"

I had to admit I kind of liked Leliana. She seemed to be a more pleasant friend than Morrigan.

"Very well, Leliana," I said. "You may come with us."

"Oh!" she clapped delightfully and jumped up and down like a happy child. "Thank you! I promise I _won't_ disappoint you! Let me go get my things!" She took off for a moment and then returned in a flash.

"Perhaps your skull was cracked more than Mother thinks," Morrigan replied.

"Will you shut up already?!" I yelled, my temper flaring up.

"I guess it's your time of the month, Lillianth."

That bitch! How dare she use_ that_ excuse! She was lucky I didn't pound her into the dirt by now.

* * *

_**Excerpt from Alistair's Journal**_

I _HATE_ Morrigan! Ever since we left Flemeth's house and arrived at Lothering, she's been nothing but a complete and utter _bitch_! Couldn't she see I was grieving?! I wanted to drive my sword into that fucking apostate bitch's heart! And believe me, I was tempted to do so. I wished we _never_ took her along! Yet no point in being picky since we had a Blight to defeat.

When we arrived in Lothering, she started it up again with her sarcastic comments on my grieving. Lillianth shouted at us for acting like children: her face was scrunched up and red, her eyes slitted and glittered with fury. Never had I seen her this way before! And believe me, it was scary. We calmed down eventually and discussed our plans.

First, we had to get money to have our supplies replenished and armor fixed. Lillianth suggested to find some ways to get money.

I was glad to have my armor fixed since there was a big gaping hole in my chest plate and chain mail shirt. I changed out of it into a loose shirt. I was kind of glad to be out of my armor so my skin could breathe. While waiting for my armor to be fixed, I roamed the Chantry garden and saw this grizzled, dead rosebush and there...I just happened to see it: a single perfect rose blossoming. I thought about leaving it there, but it was so beautiful and flawless like...

_Her._

I looked at Lillianth across the way. I picked it, knowing I couldn't leave it since the darkspawn were coming to destroy this doomed village. I tucked it gently into my pouch, not wanting to ruin any of the flawless petals.

Once our tasks were completed, we went to the tavern, Dane's Refuge only to encounter Loghain's men to arrest us. When we fought them, Lillianth kicked the leader in the genitals, making him sing soprano. I must've cracked three ribs hearing him talk like a little girl. She told them to get lost and take a message to Loghain that we were coming for him. I admired her strength...ever since I saw her take down that ogre at the Tower.

We ordered our drinks. I sat next to Lillianth. We talked about our childhoods. She laughed at my jokes; her laugh was like a silvery bell. It was nice to see a pretty girl like her laugh for once after all this death around us.

She was very sympathetic when I told her about mine. I hated Arlessa Isolde! She made damn sure that I was not welcome. Arl Eamon tried to reason with her, but she would hear nothing of it, glaring at me with jealousy. With that, she banished me to the stables. The memory of sleeping there still lingered: the cold, hard ground, sounds of the animals making noises at night, shivering under the scratchy haystack. I remember weeping the first night out there, wondering what I had done wrong. I had a golem doll that Eamon gave to me, which I hugged tightly whenever I went to sleep. I remember my first friend spending the night in the stable: a very big tabby cat with green eyes.

The day I was sent away to the Chantry was a cut that was the deepest and hurt the longest: Arl Eamon's eyes were hurt when I screamed at him, then tore off my mother's amulet and threw it at the wall in a childish rage. My angry words that I said to him still echoed: _I hate you! I'll never talk to you again!_ I was a stupid fool for saying that to him. I wish I had never said that to him, never acted like that.

Lillianth's told me hers: it was happier, yet I sensed there was sadness. She talked about her guardian, Ashalle and two adopted brothers, which they happily accepted her. The tragic story of her real parents. I watched as she fingered her pendant, her voice filled with bitterness as she spoke of her real parents. How she was teased for being an orphan and a bastard, leading to her rage and fighting.

I could understand how she felt since the boys at the Chantry did the same thing: the poor initiates saying I put on airs while the nobles ones called me a bastard and ignored me.

I could imagine Lillianth as a child: dressed in over-sized boy clothes, playing in the forest, rough-tumbling and exploring with her brothers. The Dalish children yelling Elven insults at her. Lillianth sitting under some trees, crying and hugging her knees; her green eyes wet and her hair hanging over her face. Getting into fights with some Dalish children: her blood-covered, scrapped fists pounding with uncontrollable fury...all bloodied and bruised, her clothes torn from the fights, getting scolded by Ashalle.

Well, here we were: two Grey Wardens, both orphaned bastards with lonely childhoods...yet she had a family at least. I was jealous. I would've given anything to have a real family. Well, at least, Duncan and the Grey Wardens were my family...and maybe...her...

Lillianth brought up so many feelings that I never felt before. I felt warm and fuzzy inside whenever I was near her. How do I tell a woman how I feel about her? I had no experience with them, except the women of the Chantry. Perhaps I would learn along the way. I thumbed the rose in my pouch. I wondered if I should give it to her...maybe something to congratulate her on surviving the Joining. No! It was too soon! I can't give her a flower. I might send the wrong signal.

I wondered if I should tell her my biggest secret. She seemed like a trustworthy person. No! I couldn't! I had to keep this a secret.

I was worried that if I told her this secret, she might think of me differently. A lot of people did treat me so because of who I was. Maybe she wouldn't. Who knows?


End file.
